


Horizons

by fanfiction_trashpile, writtingonthewall



Series: Helix (A Star Wars Rewrite) [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (more pining than smut), Blood, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings to avoid major spoilers so read at your own risk, Drug Mentions, F/M, Graphic Torture, Graphic Violence, Injury, M/M, Medication, Nightmare, Sequels Rewrite, Slow Burn, Star Wars Sequels Rewrite, Talk of torture, Will be adding tags as things progress, also so much pining, near-drowning, star wars rewrite, there are bad people and they do really bad things, use of drugs (spice)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 42,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24796036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfiction_trashpile/pseuds/fanfiction_trashpile, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtingonthewall/pseuds/writtingonthewall
Summary: Whisperings of Operation First Order have reached Leia Organa. As she fortifies resistance strongholds across the galaxy, filling it with the resistance-loyal, she requests the transfer of an old friend's son from the New Republic Navy, hoping that his presence will secure the future of the Resistance on Yavin II.Poe Dameron, newly minted Commander of the New Republic's Black Squadron, was not expecting his first assignment to be in his home system, nor did he anticipate how his discoveries while there would test his loyalties and change the course of his life.Meanwhile, Captain May Marnath of the undercover Resistance unit Red is recovering from a near-fatal injury when her complication arrives. Her mission is to locate Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi, who disappeared after the fall of his praxeum, while continuing to ensure that the base remains neutral and Resistance-loyal in the face of uncertain times.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Original Character(s), Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), Poe Dameron/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Helix (A Star Wars Rewrite) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793464
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Prologue

Leia stood in the briefing room, her eyes fixed on the window facing the training center. She didn’t turn as Red Squadron approached the table. Three sets of footsteps. Three heavy hearts. She waited patiently for them to begin. There was no fire in the room, the way there would have been if May was okay. No screaming or yelling. Just quiet contemplation.

She reached out in the force, searching for May. A tiny heartbeat, three buildings away, clinging to life. A heap on the floor beside her.  _ Caleb. _ Leia took a deep breath, opening her eyes and turning to the rest of the squad in the room. Sie in Commander Caleb Tabelt’s place, Kalex in Captain May Marnath’s. 

“Was she successful?” Leia asked, cutting through the protocol and procedure. It was one of two questions she asked Red after their missions. 

Especially this one. It had been four years. One main mission: know the enemy. It was a deep cover assignment that needed to be handled delicately. Red was the best fit. Red was all she had.

“Yes. You will have the report as soon as May wakes up.” Sie replied, her voice even and cold, her face a mask.

Leia walked around the table, her thoughts troubled. Since they started investigating General Pryde and the rest of the initiates of Operation First Order, the shadows had moved. Tensions that once lingered in the corners of the galaxy ran in rivers through the Senate.

“Redell?” She asked, her tone matching Sie’s.

“The funeral will have to be arranged. We will have to explain why there is no body.”

“Leave that to me.” Leia said calmly. “And Red?”

“We came back with one X. Six months off the radar should be enough to erase that.” 

Leia handed Sie a data pad. “I’ve been working on coverage. They will be here in two days, and we will have to be ready for them.” Sie nodded, taking it from Leia. The file was locked. Caleb would have to open it. 

“General?” Sie asked, feeling the end of the briefing quickly approaching. She met Leia’s eyes, taking a deep breath. “What happens if they don’t pull through?”

“He loves her. It will have to be enough.” Leia said, placing a soft hand on Sie’s shoulder.

  
  



	2. Black Gloves

Black gloves. Hands in the dark. Quiet terror. Broken heart. Bleeding out. Dirty floor. Green eyes. A father’s love.

Piercing.

Through her stomach. A whimper, not a bang. Knees sinking into sand.

She closed her eyes, the darkness her only friend. _Red._

_You are the monster in the dark._

The images flashed by so quickly she crumbled, screaming into the void. Little legs dangling in the air, fingernails tearing into leather. She could taste the tang of blood that wasn’t hers on her tongue.

_Daddy._

Blue into blue. Dark and endless. The face that hovered over hers. Hands that soothed the pain, held her tight. Pressed into her skin like a knife. _Can he feel the monster inside?_

_Crawl out of your skin and wear a new one, every day._

“Redell?” A mothers’ voice. Quiet and calm. Auburn curls and gentle sunlight. Warm skin under thin fabric. Flowers and orange, meadows and rain. Soothing sea crashing in the distance. A baby crying, hand in hers. “Love.”

A wish. A hope. A dying light.

May woke to the sound of a door opening. Her hands flew to her stomach, searching for the cold metal knife she had watched Caleb push through her abdomen. The space where it should have been was warm and tender. When she moved, pain blossomed out of it in waves.

She looked over at the figure in the doorway. Els had her hair down, a soft brown cascade of waves that curled at her hip. She leaned against the frame, resting her head on it, blocking the light that spilled into the dim room. 

"Hey Littles." May coughed as she let her head rest back against the pillows, for a moment. Her throat was dry, her lips chapped.

But she wanted to see. Needed to. She had spent too much time in the darkness.

"How're you feeling?" Els asked, folding her arms across her chest as she watched her sister struggle to keep her head up.

May chuckled through the pain, "Like I took a knife through the gut." Her voice was hollow and soft, barely louder than a whisper.

"Yeah, that's fair. I know what the answer is, but I'm still asking." she waved a pack of painkillers through the air, stepping into the room and letting the door shut quietly behind her.

May closed her eyes, laying her head down, "I can't. I promised Dad." She didn’t have to see the look that Els would give her. _This isn’t what he meant._ She would scream, until her lungs gave out and the tears ran dry and she would storm out just to come back around. She always came back. 

And every time, May would close her eyes the second the door slammed, and all she would see was Tiff’k, his eyes fixed on the floor, unable to look at her.

_I’m disappointed._

One mistake. Two words. A lifetime of pain.

Els sighed, "I know.” There was nothing she could say to change May’s mind. She tossed the pills on the table beside Caleb’s bed, where May was tucked between pillows. “Cal wants to see you."

May felt her entire body tense, his name piercing through her abdomen all over again. "How much did he tell you?" she asked between mangled breaths, the walls closing in.

"He stabbed you. He's sorry." Caleb hadn’t told her anything. He was as out of it as May was, but he cried her name. Screamed it. Sie gave her the details, between caring for May and keeping Caleb sedated. There wasn’t much she could say; she didn’t see it happen. But it was his knife she pulled out of May.

May could hear Els’ voice as it cut through the darkness, reality settling back into place. He loved her, but at the end of the day, it was always going to be her and Cal and a rack of knives. The first time she had to cut him open on a mission, Sie had to put her down for a full cycle. It wasn’t until the gash had turned to a scar and Caleb stopped shaking at her touch that she was able to forgive herself for it. She swore it would never happen again, but they knew better. They were always one bad day away from not making it home.

"He's always sorry." There was a tired weight to those words. Fifteen years in the fight, one of them was always sorry for something. That was how they were.

"It's not like he wants to, Red. He only stabs you when he has to." Els bit her lip, hesitating, "That's an awful sentence but it doesn't make it less true."

"I don't really want to talk about it." She squeezed her eyes shut, holding her arms out for her sister. "I miss dad."

"Me too." Els crossed the room, sliding in next to May and curling up against her good side, her face tucked into May’s shoulder. They laid like that for a moment, drinking in the silence. "I still talk to him sometimes, you know." Els whispered.

May chuckled, turning to press a soft kiss to her sister's head. "I know. I've heard you."

"That's not creepy at all." Els grinned, rolling her eyes.

"You're the one talking to him in the shower. Not my fault." Just like that, the weight in May’s heart that had been there every day for four years was gone. They were twelve and nine, and Els was dancing around the room, Tiff’k’s helmet on her head. He was sitting in his chair, watching. Laughing. Alive. 

May smiled.

"You're the worst." Els grumbled.

"Get over it, brat." May brought a hand up, twirling the strands of her sister's hair around her fingers as they fell into a comfortable silence. "He always knew the right thing to say. And when to say it." she whispered after a moment.

Els giggled, poking May in the ribs, "I wish you'd gotten some of that."

"Very funny. You aren't around enough to hear the wisdom of how not to get stabbed."

"Don't go on dangerous missions with our idiot brother. There. Wisdom received.” Els flipped onto her stomach, resting her chin on her hands, “You always get hurt on missions with Cal. What were you guys doing anyway?"

May sighed, rolling her eyes. "Information gets people killed." She repeated for the thousandth time.

"You always say that.” she threw herself back at the pillows, “I don't leave Yavin. What could possibly happen?"

"Just because you don't run into the fire doesn't mean you can't get burned."

Els propped herself up on an elbow, squinting her eyes, “You’re being melodramatic, and you know it.”

“Look where I am, Els. Look at me. I don’t want this for you. Dad didn’t want this for you.” Their playful banter was gone, replaced by the edge that followed every conversation about the Resistance and the Republic since the day she joined the fight.

“And he doesn’t want this for you either. This isn’t your war.” Els could see the tears in her sister’s eyes as she looked at her.

“I fight so you never have to. That is how this works.” May said, her eyes meeting Els’s in the dark.

“How this works is you and Cal and Sie keep me in the dark and the only time I get to see you is when you’re half dead.” She was whiny and she could hear the tears in her voice. "I'm not a kid anymore. I just wanna know what you’re fighting for.”

May sighed as her sister shook with anger and fear and sadness, tears streaming down her face. “You, Els. I would rather never see you again if it meant that you could have the future I never will.”

“Why don’t we leave now? All of us. Go to the Outer Rim and just…” Els said, her words fading away as May rubbed the tears from her face.

"One day, when it’s all over. I promise." May whispered. 

Wiping her face messily with the back of her hand, Els curled back into her place at her sister’s side, "I'm gonna start making a list of questions to ask you when it’s all over. So I can be sure you aren't leaving anything out." 

"We both know I'm gonna leave all the important stuff out and gloss over the details no matter how many questions you ask me."

"I can try." Els whispered, closing her eyes.

*

“Wake up.” Sie said, shaking Caleb’s shoulder as he started to come around. She picked up a cup of ice water, tossing it in his face. Reality coming crashing back, the pleasant numbness from the sedatives clearing from his mind. Pain replaced it, crippling and devastating. He would have screamed at Sie, but his voice was gone. As was the air in his lungs.

He sank into the chair, vaguely aware of the biting metal digging into his wrists and ankles. He struggled against it, his heart not in the fight.

“She’s alive. Pull yourself together, May is going to be fine.” Sie’s voice was cold and clinical. She stepped into his line of sight, pulling his face up to hers by his chin, holding him in place. “Breathe.”

“You’re a bitch.” He said between gritted teeth, voice shaky.

“You think you don’t deserve this?” Sie spat, letting go of his face. It was just them, in the med room. “You could have killed her.”

“I did. Her heart stopped.” he whispered, regaining his strength. _May was alive. May was fine._ The weight in his chest lightened, just enough. He stopped struggling against the restraints, leaning back in his seat. Clarity just out of reach, the room around him still in a fog.

“And I restarted it.” Sie watched him come around, slowly. It was always disorienting to come back the way he did. “Start talking.” She said, dragging a chair up and sitting down in front of him.

“It was her plan.”

“It was your knife.”

“Does she hate me?” He asked, bringing his gaze down from the ceiling to look at Sie.

“I don’t know. Els is with her.”

“Does Els hate me?” His voice was even, edged with pain that would never go away. He had held May while she died. He felt the knife hit her bones as he pushed it through her stomach. His hands. It didn’t matter if they hated him; he hated himself.

Sie looked at him, her expression softening slightly. “You already know the answer to that. May is going to be pissed, for a while. Just give her space.”

Cal nodded, fixing his eyes on the ground between his feet. “Leia?”

“She has the arrangements covered. Redell is dead, as far as the world is concerned.”

“And Yavin?” He had no idea what happened after Kalex took him down. His last memory was of his face pressed against the cold metal floor of the shuttle, May bleeding out arms distance away and Sie above her.

“Leia is bringing in a new flight team. An actual flight team, to legitimize the base. She thinks they can be persuaded to side with the Resistance. Ryloth is escalating, it’s only a matter of time.” Sie pulled out the datapad that Leia gave her in the briefing.

“Sie?” He said quietly, looking up to meet her eyes. She stared at him, waiting. “I’m not ready.”

She stood up, setting the datapad in his lap and undoing his restraints. “Tough shit. Get ready.” Sie tossed the restraints to the ground and turned to the table next to the cot. “She’s in your room. You can stay here for now.”

Sie brought a pack of pills over and a small cup of water, holding it out for him.

“Thanks for sleeping me.” he said, taking them from her.

“Don’t get used to it. Next time I’m leaving you there.” She turned without waiting to see if he took the sleeping pills. “Read. Catch up. Red still needs a Commander.” Then she left. Without another word.

He would let her leave him behind to die if he ever had to stab May again. He would let Sie do whatever she wanted to him. Quick and painless or an eternity of torture, he wouldn’t fight it. She knew that.

And so did May. But she had him do it anyways. The mission always came first, no matter the cost. He stood, his legs threatening to give out underneath him as he steadied himself and tossed the pills back. Sleep was the only thing that numbed the pain. 

He stumbled to the bed, the datapad in his hand as he collapsed onto it, barely able to make out the first line in the hazy fog from the pills in the blue glow.

_“Black Squadron. Commander Poe Dameron. Cover...”_

Sleep hitting him hard, before he could finish the line, the darkness obliterating anything that came before.

Eyes were windows. In his, an endless pool. In hers, a storm. Her last gasping breath of life punctured the air of the hallway. Like a bomb without a shell, falling with a gentle thud from love's dying hand.

He held her close, hands feeling for the blade as her eyes fluttered closed. She trembled as he found the tip, torn through the fabric across her back. One continuous scream tore from his soul as they collapsed together in the sand.

_May._

“ **Caleb, we gotta move!** ” Hands grabbed at him, pulling him towards the entrance. Blaster fire crackled like a dying bonfire. All he could see was her eyes closed, chestnut hair draped over his arm. Pale skin, drained of life.

_May._

He rose with her, pressed to his chest as if he could will his heart to beat for hers. One foot in front of the other. One hall blending into the next. Her blood dripped over his hands. A tear for each drop.

Hands grabbed either side, throwing him down. Hallway into ship hull as he tumbled to the floor, catching himself in the fall.

Chestnut hair and pale lifeless skin. Her eyes fluttered as she struggled for a final breath. Love’s head on hard metal, pressed between his bloody hands.

“ **Move, Caleb!** ” Black hair, green eyes. Fire and rage. Brighter than the sun. Life enough for both of them. 

Hands grabbed his shoulders, dragging him away. " **MAY**!” he screamed. Blood smeared over the metal hull.

“Kalex, hold him down. **Torynn, get us the fuck out of here!** ” Black haired, green eyed fire screamed. Sie.

Kalex pressed down on Cal’s shoulders, forcing him to the ground. A pinch, and darkness closed in.

Voices.

“Move him over here. We will have to strap him down while he is sedated.”

“Is she...?”

“No. And she’s not going to… Caleb would never do that if he knew it would… He missed.”

“Cal…” _May_.

“You’re okay, baby. I got you… The sun will rise.”


	3. Sun Rises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Squadron arrives to Yavin II.

The sun rose on the tarmac outside the Red Squad hanger. May sat on the edge of her starfighter, soaking in the new light. Sie laid in the seat behind her, her feet up on the dash and her messy black hair splayed out across the seat.

“The new squad from Hosnian is arriving today.” Sie said, squinting up at May, “You gonna be there to meet them?” 

“Nope.” May said, sliding off the wing and landing lightly on the ground.

“What she means is yes, she is.” Caleb said, stepping out from behind the engine, a white and orange helmet in hand. May gave him a cold stare that slowly crept into a hollow smile.

“Is that an order, Cal?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Her eyes cold and even, despite her tone.

“Do I have to make it one?” he replied, tossing her helmet over to her. “Leia wants to see you before they arrive. Get moving. I hear this new squad is something.”

“I heard their Commander is kinda a manwhore.” Kalex’s voice rang out from inside the engine compartment. His comment was met with a chorus of ‘Shut up, Gunner’.

May left the tarmac for the uncomfortable silence of the base. She never realized just how much the silence bothered her. Later in the day, the air would hum with life. But it was early, and it was just her.

And a bright orange flight suit.

She paused at the door, tucking her helmet into her side. 

_ Black Squad. _

Brown eyes, looking out under a mop of dark brown hair and gentle stubble, and a grin that screamed  _ trouble  _ from the end of the hall. She knew who he was before he stopped in front of her at Leia’s door.

“Excuse me.” He said, his eyes trailing over her in a way that made her want to roll her eyes. 

“You’re excused. Leia called me in. You can wait out here.” May said coldly, turning towards the door. The new member on base took a step back.

Her sass made him smile despite it. “Is this a Yavin II thing I don't know about where you all talk back to commanding officers?” He asked, cocking his head to the side as he took her in, short in stature but built like she could kick his ass. And probably would, given her nerve. 

“Poe Dameron.” She said, her tone unimpressed and bored. An unfiltered look of surprise crossed his face, as she continued unfazed, “This is just a me thing. If you are going to stick around, you had better get used to it.” 

May slipped inside the room, letting the door shut in his face. Where he came from, the rules of engagement were very different from the growing rebellion inside the base. She smiled to herself as she crossed the room, taking a seat beside Leia.

“General.” May said, “Sie briefed me.”

“You did what needed to be done. So did Caleb.” Leia said, all but reading the thoughts at the front of May’s mind. Everything that happened was a necessary evil. She knew that, but it didn't change the ache in her chest and the throbbing pain in her side. 

May’s fingers idly traced the gash on her helmet, “It’s over now.”

“Nothing is ever truly over.” Leia placed a warm hand over May’s. “No one is ever truly gone, either.”

“Yes, General.” May said, closing her eyes and fighting the flood of emotion that rolled under her sea of ice.  _ Tiff’k, Redell, and Alysia _ . Names and faces erased from history. She felt numb. Numb to the pain and the loss and the grief. 

Caleb had to. There was no other choice. But she could feel the break between her past and her future, as clear as the scar on her side that was still angry and red and raised: life with Redell, and life after. 

“Have you met the new squad?” General Organa asked, rousing May from the storm. 

“Just one.” she said, “The Commander. In the hall.” Her lips tugged up in a soft smile as she thought of the man in the hallway and the look on his face, just before the door shut between them.

“What did you say to him?” Leia asked, playfulness lurking under her steel gaze.

“I’m sure you will hear about it as soon as I leave.” May laughed.

“I need you to get along, May. For the resistance. For Tiff’k.” Leia rose from her seat, walking to the round briefing table in the center of the room. May didn’t follow, her eyes rooted to the floor.

“We don’t need cover like this. It’s too risky.” she said quietly. 

“They are more than just cover. They could be allies, if things escalate.” Leia searched the young girl's face, feeling her in the force. May had always been reckless, but calculated. She understood what Leia was trying to say, without the words needing to be said. “I trust your judgement. If anyone can figure out what motivates them, it would be you. Consider it your unofficial assignment.”

“Yes, ma’am.” May replied, looking up into the windows and away from Leia. “I hope this is a risk worth taking.” 

“Only time will tell. Send him in.” Leia said thoughtfully.

May stood, walking back to the door and stepping back out into the hall. The new Commander waited outside, leaning against the wall. She met his gaze, raising an eyebrow. "Your turn." She said, the door shutting behind her.

Poe raised an eyebrow, pushing off the wall and moving slowly towards her. "You have a name?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know." she smiled. She felt it in her chest, the way he looked at her with those big brown eyes.

She was quick. The challenge sent a tendril of warmth racing through him, ending in his smile. "I would." He lowered his voice, leaning in close. "There's gotta be something I can call you, sweetheart." He almost grinned at the momentary spark in her eyes, like he was cutting through the icy steel. 

_ Sweetheart works,  _ she thought, fighting the urge to bite her lip and flirt back with the flyboy. "Captain." Even through her smile, she was watching him, gauging his reactions.

_ Captain. _ "That'll work. For now." He winked, opening the door and letting himself into command, leaving her in the hall.

"Only time will tell." She said quietly under her breath as she turned back the way she came. 

Red was training, hand to hand, with Gold. She could hear the teams down the hall before she reached the training center. Jace’s laugh echoing off the high ceilings as she slipped into the room and made her way over to the benches where everyone who wasn’t on the mat was sitting.

“May!” Jace called, smiling at her across the mat. “Tag in?”

Caleb’s head snapped up to look at her but she ignored him, slipping into the ring with Jace. “You ready to get your ass kicked?” She asked, grinning as they started to circle. 

“I’ll go easy on you.” He chuckled. They went in slow. He swung, she dodged. She watched his sides, waiting for the inevitable opening he would leave her. The second it was there, she lunged, throwing him across the ring. He laughed, hopping up and getting back in the fight. 

She kept tabs of the room around her as they circled and parried and dodged. Every take down she would do a quick once over, assessing the space. Most of Gold had cleared out for the day, save Jace. Kalex and Torynn, the rest of Red, were on the benches, only half paying attention to the mat. Caleb stood next to the weight rack, an arm’s distance from Sie who was perched on top of a heavy plate. His body was rigid, his face a stone mask. She could see him flinch, under the stone, every time she took a hit. 

May danced around Jace. "Is that all you got, Gold Leader?" Taunting him as she dodged every strike. She was vaguely aware of Black Squad filing into the room at the far end, unsure of where to go. Where they fit. They hung by the door, waiting for their commander to lead the way and break the ice.

Sie put on a big smile, crossing her legs and leaning forward a little bit. "If he’s not enough of a challenge, why don’t you take the new commander out for a spin?" She called to May.

"Don't start with me today." May called back, throwing Jace again as Sie chuckled. She looked up to see Poe Dameron crossing the room, the five members of his squad close behind.

She took in each one between passes. The way they stood in relation to their commander. Back, but not out of range. Closer knit than most flight squads. Their bodies turned just slightly to the outside like eyes on the side of a horse. Prey, expecting a predator. 

All except one. To his right. Tall and imposing, towering above the rest but blending in. Something about his presence was unassuming in a way that wasn’t threatening, despite his stature. Demure but still receptive, not carrying the inattentiveness she expected. Moving in unison with Poe, even as they stood still. Like he was noting every breath the man took, down to the last twitch of his fingers, without thinking about it. 

"Tabelt, right?" Poe looked to Caleb, "I've heard good things about you and yours." He felt Kade, his captain, stiffen beside him at his lie. 

"Dameron. I've heard the same. Glad to have you guys." Caleb said, offering a hand. Poe smiled as he took it. 

"Fuck!" Jace laughed as May threw him again. "You're bleeding again, baby." He sat up on his elbows, grinning up at her.

"Wipe that shit off your face. You know it's not because of you." She laughed, getting off him. Her eyes met Caleb’s briefly.

"I told you to be careful." Caleb said, shaking his head, struggling to hold it together. Sie hopped off the rack and walked over to May, running a hand up under her shirt to press the bacta strip back into place on her back. They exchanged quick glances, Sie’s eyes unreadable even as her hand lingered over May’s skin. A warning. 

"It's all good. Let’s go again." May said, smiling as she rotated her shoulders. Caleb shifted his weight, apprehension flitting across his gaze for a moment. He didn't want to make a scene. The training area was full of new people they didn't know, that didn't know her. But he could see it in her eyes. She was going to make him look bad no matter what. It was something he was constantly prepared for.

"You good,  _ Captain _ ?" Poe kept his tone playful. 

"Better than he's about to be." She growled, getting back on the mat with Jace. "Commander." She winked at Poe, dodging another swing, deflecting Jace to the right.

Somewhere behind her, she heard Sie snort. "What’d I just say? Commander. You have a type, babes." Sie was quick to pick up on the way May said things. She was also quick to turn it into ammunition. Poe raised an eyebrow, but kept his mouth shut. 

May smiled, feeling the blush spread across her neck. "Do I? Hadn’t noticed." Jace hit the ground hard, as she pulled him into her guard.

"Tap." Jace grunted. May let her legs drop, and he slid down to the mat. "Any takers?" He asked, relaxing on the floor. "I'm not getting thrown anymore. For now, at least. We can always pick back up tonight." He laughed as May planted a kick in his ribs.

"Shut the fuck up, Jace." She grinned ear to ear, barely aware of the ache blossoming across the skin on her side.

“I’ll hop in, if y’ don’t mind.” The short blonde on Poe’s left side looked to her commander for approval. When he nodded, she turned to May, smiling as she stepped onto the mat. “I’m Court. Black 5.” She had to look up slightly to meet her eyes.

"Nice to meet you." May said. "I'm Red 5." She said, getting back into position. 

"May." Caleb said. His tone said  _ don’t push me _ , but May could see him preparing for whatever she would throw at him. Even at the best of times, training was an uphill battle with her. He had found ways to manage it, to keep her safe, even from herself.

But there would be no managing her today. The last time he raised a knife to her, she died in his arms. 

"One more." It wasn't a plea, but a statement. She would do one more round, then call it herself.

"You’ve had enough. Push it and you won't heal." His voice was even, and low, his eyes stone. He was barely holding himself up, the wound still fresh. He could feel her blood on his hands as he pressed them to his side to stop them from shaking.

"I’m fine." The sparring had stopped, her attention set on Caleb. "And I’m not your problem." She could see all the things he wanted to say. Apologies and accusations. But they were standing in a room of strangers, and all eyes were on him.

"This isn't a request, Ace. Off the mat. Now." She could see the strain. He hated this. 

"Fuck you, Caleb." If Black was shocked, she didn't notice. _ Ace. _ She wasn’t half dead. She wasn’t being reckless. He had no place using the name, and he knew it. She looked over at Court with an apologetic shrug, "We can do this later.” before turning back to Caleb, her hands clenched at her sides. “Pick up. Let’s go, Cal." She said, stepping towards him, her eyes flitting to the weapons rack behind him.

"You were half dead two days ago. We aren't doing this." Caleb walked over to her, out of earshot of the new squad. His words mirroring her thoughts, as always.

"Then maybe you shouldn't have stabbed me." She replied, hating the way he flinched, the stone breaking for a second. He couldn’t back down, and she wouldn’t, no matter the cost. "We both know where this conversation ends, Cal. I’m going for a run. Don’t follow me.” She said, pushing past him.

Caleb took a deep breath, his eyes finding the floor. It took everything he had to not let out the pain he held back. For her, because of her.  _ Lock it down. _ He held his breath, waiting for it to pass and her to leave. 

May caught Poe's gaze as she broke away from Caleb. His eyes that were so full of emotion and thoughts in the hall, were even and guarded now. She couldn't read him so she smiled, “Catch you later, sweetheart.” She could almost feel Caleb tensing up behind her, but she just kept walking. 

Kade chuckled beside him, covering the sound with a cough. Poe's eyes darkened as he murmured, "May." testing her name. It felt like a dangerous word as it rolled off his tongue. Ace. Captain. May.  _ Sweetheart. _ The only thing they shared was form. 

May slipped into the hallway, not stopping to close the door as she took off for the track around the compound. She could feel the throbbing in her side, but she ignored it. When she bled, she would stop. Not a moment before.

"Sorry, Commander." Court looked at Caleb, a shy smile on her lips. "I hope I didn't overstep."

Caleb gave a tired smile. "Oh don't worry. This has nothing to do with you." He wasn’t present enough to analyze the new squad. Sie was there. And Kalex. May probably took it all in before she left. But he couldn’t focus on anything except the feel of blood on his hands that wouldn’t wash off. Cal looked down for a second, pulling himself together. "Sie, will she...?" He asked, looking up at Sie. The way he said it made it heavy with unspoken thoughts, thoughts that they didn’t have to share out loud to be understood.

"She hasn’t been… Last night was the worst of it.” Sie replied. “Right now, she would probably Six you if you tried to help." Sie walked up to him, placing one small hand on his bicep that was thicker than her neck. "You fucked up, Ace." She wasn't calling him Ace. She was reminding him of where he went wrong. A quiet, cryptic exchange. 

“You said she was good.” He pointed out, not meeting her eyes. It was easier to be upset with Sie, than it was to be angry with May. No matter what she did.

“We don’t call the shots for her.” Sie stepped back, turning to the new flight team that was mostly quiet behind them, aside from some sideway’s glances and deep breaths."Nice to meet you guys. Welcome to Yavin." she said with a vacant smile, not waiting for them to acknowledge her before she followed May out.

Poe turned back to Caleb, "Things around here always that tense?" he meant it in a teasing manner, but Poe wasn't a fool. If this was life on Yavin, he needed Black out of here before they could lay roots. Before Yavin became home. 

“Not always. Rough mission." Torynn said, standing up from the bench, his gaze following the path Sie took out of the center. "Or when Cal pisses her off. Which is rare.”

"Torynn, shut up." Kalex said, shaking his head and punching him in the arm.

"What? They'll make up. She always forgives him, eventually. Today is the first day she has been able to train.” Kalex rolled his eyes as Torynn stuffed his foot in his mouth. 

“This is why you stay in the fucking shuttle.” Kalex threw an arm over Torynn’s shoulders. “You have no gauge on friend or foe.”

“Shut up, asshole. Just because you’ve never cracked, doesn’t make you the standa...” Torynn started, falling silent as Caleb raised a hand.

Caleb looked miserable, but he held it together. "Red, I’m calling it for the day. Go get cleaned up, drop your weapons off with Sie. See you around, Black."

Poe nodded, watching the team leave. When the last member of Red, the man called Torynn, left the training centre, he turned to Black with a grin, "They're more of a disaster than we are." 

Kade cracked a smile while the rest chuckled lightly. Aaron punched him in the shoulder, "Lighten up, Cap."

"Take it easy today." Poe ordered, "Loosen up. Move in. We'll get back to the usual schedule tomorrow." Poe watched as his team, his family, dispersed through the room. Court and Maris, the only other woman on Black and Court’s polar opposite, began to spar. 

As he watched them work, he couldn’t help but wonder if this was going to be home.

  
  



	4. Sunsets

May walked into the mess hall hours later, pausing just inside the door as she took in the new dynamic. Black squadron sat at one of the corner tables, the row of mechs and flight crews cutting them off from the table that Red always sat at. She spotted the new Commander, his eyes casing the room, just as she was. Seeing everything, understanding nothing. A true flight team.

She started walking again, despite the pain that radiated through her body with every step. Her med work was shit, at best, and she could feel it pulsing against her side. Still pale from the loss of blood that she hadn’t quite recovered from and the run she shouldn’t have taken, May stopped at the table, the rest of Red falling silent as they waited for whatever was going to happen between her and Caleb.

Caleb looked up at her, a silent exchange of apologies. She could be mad at him when she wasn’t hurting. They could be pissed and scream and fight until their throats were raw and their lungs burned, after it was all over. When the wound became a scar and the nightmares became memories. He gave her a tight smile, his eyes softening as he leaned back, opening his arms to her like they were kids again, making up after a meaningless fight. May sat sideways in his lap and curling into his chest. He tucked her head under his chin, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug. 

“Food?” 

May shook her head and smiled, closing her eyes as she went limp in his arms. She felt his hands on her back, rubbing small circles up and down. Warmth gently caressing her. Strong arms holding her up. She was safe, loved, like she was home again. Out of the darkness. She hummed as he pressed a chaste kiss to the crown of her head. 

Torynn looked over at May with a stupid grin on his face, breaking the silence. “So…” he started, Kalex smacking him before he could get a sentence out. “What the fuck was that for?” He asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I just assumed that whatever was going to come out of your mouth was fucking stupid.” Kalex laughed. 

Torynn scowled at him. “I was just gonna ask if they’re still doing the thing tonight.” He said, smacking Kalex back.

Caleb looked down at May. “You up to it?” He asked, feeling her shift a little so she was more centered in his lap.

“It’s not just for me. It’ll kill Littles if we miss it.” she said quietly. “I have one job, above all else.” She looked up at Caleb who just nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t need to say anything for him to understand. It was his job too. Her father's only request of them before the accident:  _ Take care of her. _

“Well, he's carrying you out there because there is no way you’re walking.” Sie said, leaning across their trays to steal Caleb’s bread. “Not after that fucking run.”

“Maybe if you ate less bread, you wouldn’t have such a hard time keeping up.” May said sarcastically, nudging her best friend in the arm.

“You think that's funny, don't you?” Sie snapped at her around a mouthful of food. “Maybe if you were a fucking human with pain receptors, it would even the playing field.” 

Poe was standing apart from the Red table, watching their antics. They seemed comfortable. At home here. It was a very different sight than Black at the corner table, discussing tomorrow’s training schedule quietly. "Tabelt," Poe called, motioning for Caleb to follow him.

“Come on, Red.” Caleb said, sliding her gently off his lap as he stood. She glared around him at the new commander. If it had been anyone else, she would have told them to fuck off, but Leia had plans for Black. Yavin needed cover, and they were it: a real flight team to legitimize a fake base. 

She turned around without a word, sliding in next to Sie. Caleb placed a soft hand on her shoulder, calling her attention back to him. She leaned back, meeting his questioning gaze briefly as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Be right back.” He mumbled, letting go of her. Sie threw her arms around May, the two girls leaning into each other. 

Caleb could see May’s thoughts in the set of her shoulders. She didn’t like Black, for whatever reason. On base less than a day, and they already managed to piss her off. She was rarely wrong when it came to reading people. Maybe it was just Poe that set her on edge. May called him sweetheart, something she never called anyone. 

He followed the new commander out into the hall, his guard up, “What’s up, Dameron?”

"Sorry to pull you from your squad. Just want to double check protocol." he almost raised his hands in surrender at the look on Caleb's face. Ask a favour, owe a favour. The way Poe did things every time they moved. Too fucking often, as far as he was concerned, "New guys. Don't want to step on any toes. My droid needs repairs I can't do."

"Els Eris, our resident mech. She comes to mess late, sits in the corner. Anything else?" Caleb said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"That's it. I owe you one. Thanks." he dropped his shoulders, palms up at a gentle angle towards Caleb. Open. His mother's trick. "Let me know if I can do anything for you."

"What happened between you and May? At Leia's." Caleb asked, catching him before he walked away. 

_ Sweetheart _ . "My first hint that General Organa runs things a little differently here." Poe tried to smile, "I had a meeting with the General. Your Captain had me wait. Wouldn't give me her name." he shrugged, brushing it off.

Caleb nodded, fighting the smile that tugged at the edges of his mouth. "So you decided to give her a name. Brave. Stupid, but brave." He paused, looking him over. 

Poe forced a playful grin to his face, "Stupid is quite the accusation. Want to explain what you mean by that?"

"You just showed her your weak spot. Sweetheart.” He watched every flicker of emotion that crossed his face. Poe was good at masking his thoughts, but Caleb was better at reading than that. He chuckled, "Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them." Caleb’s eyes widened for a moment, his words taking him back to the mission she almost didn't come back from. It was brief, but he recovered, pulling himself together. She had forgiven him, for the moment.

"I'm lucky my preference is a little more fluid than that." He raised an eyebrow as his eyes trailed over Caleb.

He chuckled, “Good to know. Some advice: May's got a thing with names. Be careful what you call her. She tends to take it to heart."

Poe laughed, almost wishing he had kept his mouth shut in that hallway with her. Almost. “Appreciate the head’s up.” 

“You said you owe me one.” 

Poe cocked his head. “You have something in mind?"

"I have some scouting missions on backlog and I can't take Red out right now with May still recovering. Would you be open to taking a few?"

He nodded, giving Caleb a genuine smile for the first time. "Sure. I'm living next door so bring them over whenever." he paused, going out on a limb to ask, "What happened to her?"

"Rough mission. We had a job to do, she did hers."

"Got it." he nodded, taking the hint, "Thanks for the rec. Els. Corner table." he repeated.

Caleb nodded, walking back into the hall. "Welcome to Yavin II. See you around." he called over his shoulder. 

Poe let him go, stepping into the doorway once he was sure the coast would be clear of Red commanders with prying questions. His eyes found Red's table, winking as he saw May already looking at him, even as she reached out for Caleb. She was going to be a problem that he wasn't quite ready to deal with.

May pulled her eyes away from the new Commander at the edge of the hall, her gaze settling on Caleb. She had questions she would ask him later, after he patched her up and away from Sie's eavesdropping. 

"Med?" She asked quietly. 

He nodded, leaning down to help her up. She wrapped her arms around him, tucking herself into his chest. "Meet you out back later, Sie." She said, yawning and looking around Caleb's arm. Sie nodded, returning to the conversation at the table. 

Poe stayed in the mess hall well past the rest of his squad leaving, thinking the day over, nursing a drink. He hadn’t wanted to come to Yavin, not that Black knew that. Being so close to home was complicated. He hadn’t seen his father since his promotion almost seven months prior, and wasn’t even sure Kes knew his son had been made Commander. Kade might have told him, but since Black had been formed and they’d been moved from their scouting route back to Hosnian, things had been different. Tense. 

Poe’s thoughts were interrupted as he looked up, watching a woman enter the mess and sit down at the table Caleb had pointed out earlier. Late to mess. Same table. _ Els _ . 

He stood, crossing the room and sliding into the seat across from her. Flashing her a grin, “I hear you’re the person to talk to about droids.” She was striking, soft features and tough hands. When she looked at him, he felt simultaneously at ease and on edge.

She eyed him closely. "Alright, hun. You're new, I'm bad with names. You're gonna have to start with an introduction." She said, pulling her dark brown hair back into a ponytail. "Els. Mech." She offered him a hand.

"Poe," he smiled, taking her hand, "Black Leader. Hun works though." he winked. 

She wrinkled her nose at him when she smiled, biting down on her bottom lip briefly. "Good, because I am gonna forget your name. Tell me about this droid." She said, leaning toward him.

"He's a BB series astromech and the best damn droid I've ever had. I usually don't let anyone touch him but me, but he's got a panel shorting out and I can't seem to find the problem." Poe watched her eyes, the glint in them as he talked, the way they seemed to glaze over as she thought about what he was saying. Like she could solve the problem right there and then. “I’ve got him powered down right now to avoid more damage but I’m gonna need him in the next couple of days.”

"Done. Bring him by my workshop. Door’s always open, and I do mean always." She was always excited to work. Like May with training, it was where she fit best. The world just fell away and she would lose hours tinkering and fixing and building to her heart's content. "But right now, I gotta run. Sister thing. But yeah, leave him in my workshop. I'll be there in like an hour." She was rambling, something she did constantly. He smiled up at her, and she gave him a wink. "Hun."

“Sure. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be there when you’re working on him. I’ll keep my mouth shut. Mostly.” he said, running his tongue along his bottom lip. 

She grinned. "If you stay, you're helping. Those are the rules." She picked up her food, stopping briefly to give him a once over. She had seen worse. "Welcome to Yavin." She said before dipping out of the mess hall that was almost empty and heading out for the falls. 

*

Caleb set May down on the edge of the small waterfall at the top of the hill where the river came down into the shallow valley the base sat in. Sie and Els held their hands out, helping her down between them, Caleb grabbing a seat beside Els.

It was quiet on the falls. The jungle forest of the planet was still -- a rare thing. May stared out over the treeline, embracing the hot tears that began to fall.

“Well, Dad. It's been four years.” Els started, wringing her hands in her lap to stop them from shaking. May reached over, lacing their fingers together, almost on instinct. “We’re doing good. May is still a captain, much to everyone’s annoyance. Mostly Leia.” Els laughed, wiping tears from her eyes with her free hand. “I miss you.” she finished, her gaze dropping down to her lap, where their hands laid.

“I miss him too, Littles.” May’s voice was soft as she leaned her head on her sister's shoulder. 

Caleb cracked a beer. “To Tiff’k. Thank you for the two most aggravating women in my life.” He said, raising his drink to the air.

“Hey Cal?” Sie said, her eyes fixed on the horizon.

“Yeah?” 

“A favor. When I die, write something better than that for me? Thanks.” She said, holding her hand out for a drink.

“What makes you think you’re dying first?” Cal replied, passing her a can and lying back on the rocks.

“May’s dumb ass is going first. But I’m not far behind without my human shield.” Sie laughed, the sound a little hollow.

“None of you are dying. Shut up.” Els sighed, “Every year the three of you turn his memorial into a deadpool. Dad wouldn’t like it.” 

“Are you kidding? He would be placing bets on which one of us was going first, same as the rest of us.” May laughed. 

“To Tiff’k.” Sie repeated Caleb’s words, popping the top and downing her beer.

May looked over at her sister. The tears were brief; Cal and Sie had distracted her from the hole Tiff’k left in their lives.

They sat in silence for a while, drinks clinking lightly on rocks between sips. May found her eyes on the moon that passed silently in the distance.

“Hey, Els.” May said quietly.

“Yeah?” 

“This year feels different.” 

“I know.” Els whispered, bumping her shoulder against May’s lightly.

Caleb called it when May started falling asleep. Els followed Caleb down the hill, May curled up in his arms, Sie trailing along beside them. The four walked in silence, letting it all sink in. Four years since the year that everything went wrong. The first memorial without Redell. They were slowly adjusting to the new set of rules they had to live by now that she was gone. 

The memories they couldn’t share. 

Els broke off when they reached the base, stopping by the shop to grab her box of scrapped parts before heading to her workshop. The halls were empty and comfortably quiet as she worked her way through the maze, cursing at every wall she ran into because she couldn’t see around the pile.

Finally reaching her workshop, Els bumped the panel for the door with her hip.

A warm voice spoke to her from the other side of her box. "Here. Let me." 

She found herself staring into her room. An orange BB unit sat on her table, the pretty flyboy from the mess hall sliding the crate onto the table beside him.

"Thank you. You came." She said, turning to close the door.

"I did. BB-8 is over there." He sat on a stool by one of the tables, "Thanks for working on him. And for letting me stay."

"Don't thank me yet." She went to work, running her hands over the various panels and compartments of the droid, checking every circuit panel for damage or shorts. After a few minutes, she found the issue. A thin piece of metal stuck in a power relay that was shorting out the droid. She picked up her pliers, tugging it free. "What did you do to him?" She asked, appalled. May was always better at pretending to feel certain emotions. 

"What do you mean? He's fine." He laughed, almost offended.

"Call this fine?" She teased, holding up the loose piece of metal from the circuit board. BB hummed awake, beeping angrily at Poe. Els cracked up, unable to hold it in as she picked him up off the table and set him on the floor. "Droid splinter."

Poe grinned as she laughed, "That's all?" he shook his head, "Thanks, Els. I really appreciate it."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's what I’m here for. But you really should have caught that." She chewed on her lip, trying to think of a reason for him to stay. She liked his company. He was sweet and warm. "Take care of BB-8 or I'm stealing him. BB's are my favorite model."

"Don't even think about it." Poe smiled, "Y'know, I don't know how long Black is going to be on Yavin. I'm running a couple intel missions while I'm here, and you've gotta know the security risks." he watched her raise an eyebrow, "I need someone to offload data. Keep it safe here, get the General what she needs, fix the guy when I inevitably can't figure out what's wrong with him. Would you be interested?"

“Wrong tree.” She said, turning to the crate of parts she would eventually use. “I’m a mech, not a tech. You want data and security, you’ll have to talk to our resident hacker. But I got your droid, anytime.” She said with a wink.

"Any chance you'll introduce me?" The more Poe talked to her, the more he liked her. She was sweet. She knew who she was. He made a mental note of where her workshop was, hoping her open door policy would apply even when he didn’t have a droid that needed fixing. 

Els laughed. "I highly doubt you haven't met her yet." She grabbed a seat at her workbench. "The captain on Red. If you've been on base more than five minutes and haven't met her then you are doing something wrong." She laughed, pride blooming in her chest as she talked about her sister. 

Poe nodded, "Yeah, I've met her." May. Sweetheart. "Is there anything she can't do?"

"Go a day without giving Leia a headache." Els snorted, her eyes dropping to her lap momentarily. "Really though, she's the kind of person that sometimes forgets that it’s okay to need help. If she's bad at something, you'll never see it." Her smile was a little sadder, but the Commander sitting across didn't notice. "Everyone here loves her."

The admiration in her voice matched what Poe had been seeing since he landed. May might not have the title, but everyone respected her, despite her disregard for authority and her short fuse. "Why isn't she running the place if she's so good? Tabelt won't let her go?"

"She won’t take it. She was offered a promotion after Dathomir." Els' smile faltered. Dathomir was the last time she and May had been together with their father before the accident. She looked back at the table. "That was a long time ago though, and she's happy where she is with Caleb."

It was rare that hotshots weren't title obsessed. Maybe it was just today, but the way Caleb treated her made it seem like this was her default setting; every part of their altercation in the training centre seemed habit, the way he knew she would fight back, the name calling, her exit... Shaking his head, he said, "Dathomir. I've read the reports, but nothing's really clear on what happened there. I don't remember seeing her name." He’d been searching through files on all the leadership on base in the days before they transferred, and had tracked Caleb’s name to Dathomir. The lockdown his unit had been part of on the prison planet. The injuries he sustained, on the ground. Not in the air. 

"You wouldn't. She wasn't on the initial party." Els bit her lip. "You would have to ask her about it though, but like maybe when you aren't brand new. Her bad side is not a good place to be around here." She laughed nervously, putting a hand on the back of her neck.

"Gotcha. I'll keep that in mind." They had history. Friends, lovers, Poe didn't want to ask. But the way she said it,  _ her bad side _ , he worried about what he saw in the training centre. If that's how she was in front of her commander, he wondered how bad that could get. And prayed he wouldn't find out. “Thanks for the help.” 

Poe left Els’, heading for his new quarters. When he arrived, a datapad was sitting at the foot of his bed. Turning on the screen, a pop-up read:  _ pay up _ . Tabelt. He flipped through the files. All recon missions, typical Black style. Get in, get out, don’t get caught. A few planets he’d never been to caught his eye. 

He crawled into his bed, falling asleep with the datapad still open on his lap. 

  
  



	5. Deception

May flipped Sie onto the mat, a knife at her throat. 

Sie winked, snaking a hand under her shirt and pressing it against her back. "Don't even think about it." She grinned, pushing up against May defiantly.

"I said no contact, you two." Caleb called, setting Torynn up with the stun cuffs. May released Sie, rolling to the side to break her grip. 

"I'm not the one that can't keep her hands to herself." Sie laughed, hopping up and resetting.

"You climbed into my bed, not the other way around." May dodged her strikes. They picked up the pace, over and under, a delicate dance.

"Incoming." Sie whispered into her ear from behind, getting the upper hand and kicking out her knees as she saw Black squadron filling into the hanger. May kept her eyes on them, sliding an arm between Sie's legs without her noticing, setting her up for a takedown. 

"Hey Cal, are we calling it for the day?" May called, loud enough for them to hear. 

"Has Torynn broken his cuffs yet?" Cal replied, shaking his head as Torynn struggled with the restraints. 

"We can continue this somewhere less crowded." She hooked Sie's legs, sending her tumbling to the ground. A twist, and she dragged her up into a chokehold.

"No contact." Caleb yelled, "Fucking hell, May."

"She started it." May dropped her on the floor and danced out of range while Sie recovered. "But seriously Cal. Call it." She said, turning her back on Black, who were stretching on the equipment beside theirs.

Poe watched the exchange, through wall panels and reflections. He turned to Caleb, "We won't be in here long, Tabelt." His eyes flickered to May, her body closed off to him. "Just waiting on crew so we can get up in the air."

Caleb looked at Poe, watching May's reactions out of the corner of his eye. "It's not an issue, as long as the two of them can keep it to no fucking contact." 

May grinned, her eyes focused on Black, gauging their reactions. "Whatever you say, Cal. Sie, knives. Pick up." She said. 

Sie pulled two blades out of her waist band, matching May's grin. 

"May..." Caleb turned on her.

"Parry and dodge. No contact." She all but sang, squaring back up with Sie. "You can always step in." May reminded him, falling back into the dance. Watching Sie as they circled. Carefully sizing up Black between turns. Not missing a step or block or parry as she gauged each member of Black’s reaction. It was unsettling to have people watching them train that didn't know who they were. 

People she didn't trust. 

In training, it was drilled into them that the goal of any encounter was either to build trust or build fear. Never both. She didn't trust them, so she would settle for fear.

"Kade, try the new run. Let me know if you need longer." Poe said to his captain, not looking at Red, "No race. Not today." 

He nodded, muttering a quiet, "Yessir." as he brushed past, Kade's hand briefly touching Poe’s back. "Let's go." Kade called to the team, standing up to full height. He towered over the rest of Black, his grey eyes focused only on them. An intentional effort to ignore Red. 

Black followed him out of the training centre, leaving Poe alone. With the team with knives. Kade shook his head, brown hair flopping in his eyes, hoping Poe wasn't stupid enough to jump in with them as he left. 

Poe leaned against the wall, watching the pair in the ring. He schooled his expression into a blank stare. May and Sie. Two members of a flight squad -- one a _captain_ \-- playing with knives. He tried not to let his curiosity show. 

May dodged but Sie nicked her arm on the way down. May hissed, feeling the blood well. It was barely a scratch but Sie laughed anyways. "Tag out, babes?" 

"Never." She turned towards Caleb, her back on Sie. Grinning, "Fuck no contact." Her eyes found Poe again. His team gone and his expression empty: he had no reason to stay. But there he was. She didn't know what to make of it. She turned, pressing Sie back, landing blow after blow until she caught her with the butt of her knife, slamming it into her chest. Sie went down, and May stepped back.

"Who's next?" She asked, her voice even. Kalex tossed his blaster in the pile, holding his hands up. Caleb focused on Torynn, ignoring her. And Torynn, still cuffed, shrugged his shoulders. She looked over at Poe, a silent challenge. To see what he was made of.

Two minutes until the rest of Black returned. He didn't drop her gaze, "Put that shit down first." He gestured to the knives with his chin, not moving from where he was against the wall.

May kept a straight face as she stepped to the edge of the mat undoing the top of her pants and letting them fall. She always wore shorts underneath. He didn't react. Tossing the knife in her hand down with her gear, she said, "Promise I'll go easy." walking back towards the center of the mat. 

Sie had regained her breath, slipping off the side, watching. Picking up on what May was doing the second Black stepped into the room.

Poe tried to watch the others, but he couldn't pull his eyes from May's face. "You hurt anywhere else?" he asked, toes almost touching the edge of the mat. “It’s your back, right?” _And the cut on her arm. And the bruise steadily forming on her shoulder._ Poe fought the urge to shake his head. 

"Not your concern." She said, watching the way he moved towards her. Nothing unexpected. No little ticks he wouldn’t be able to hide. He was heavy on his heels, with passable posture. Trained for simple evasive maneuvers, basic hand to hand combat that he’d likely never had to take any further than that.

He shrugged, looking at Caleb, "I tried." as he stepped onto the mat with her.

"Training with May is losing every battle but winning every war." Caleb echoed Tiff’k’s words, leaning against the bench to watch. "It's not her I'm worried about."

May stayed silent, her eyes locked on Poe as she squared up.

A minute and a half. Enough time. Poe left his side open, watching the way her eyes moved. "Missing the blades?" he teased.

She felt a smile tug at the edge of her lips. "Not at all." She looked him over once, letting her eyes linger on his shoulders. "I prefer grappling to stabbing."

She could see Caleb tense behind Poe, but she ignored him. He trusted Black about as much as May. 

Poe held his hands up, getting into position. They circled and she faked. Left, then right. A low dodge. She landed some light hits, testing his pain tolerance. When he winced, she fell back. He left his side open, just enough. If she was Caleb's size, she wouldn't have made it. She took his legs out, bringing him down to the mat, pinning her underneath him.

"Not bad for a flyboy." She laughed, holding him in place with her weight, hips pressed into his. 

She could read. Better than he could. Poe wasn't sure what it was about her, but he decided to show his cards. Leaning his head back to rest on the mat, he gazed up at her, "So I pass your test?"

She dropped her hold, sitting up, her back bumping against his knees. She could feel his belt against the inside of her thigh as she sank her weight into her hips. The appearance of comradery, without trusting him to not throw her. She laughed, meeting his gaze. "Yes, you are cleared to fly. I'll recommend to the General that Black be exempt from ground missions."

He grinned at her, "Guess we'll have to go another round for me to get clearance for that." 

Poe heard Kade in the doorway, "Comman... Dameron." 

Poe laughed at his annoyed tone, turning his head upside down to look at him. The friction from the mat burned through his thick curls. "Yes?" Poe smiled at the exasperated look on his captain’s face, "Everyone good to go?" 

Kade shot him a look. "You want me to run the--" 

"No, no." Poe looked at May again, "You gonna let me up, sweetheart?"

She looked at him closely, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted round two?" 

"Later." he smiled, tapping her twice on the leg, "I'm sure you have other asses to kick today."

"She's in the dive tank today." Caleb said, coming to stand behind them. "Let's go, May. Unless you want to be walking back in the dark."

May rolled her eyes, getting off Poe's lap, sliding slowly, letting her leg trail across his hips.

"See you later, Red." Poe hopped up, jogging out of the training centre without looking at the other members of Red. Kade raised an eyebrow, and Poe muttered, "They don’t just fly," before passing him and heading out onto the tarmac.

They ran a basic training run, scouting around the base and getting used to the new terrain. Poe called it early, flying solo for a while. When he landed, he headed to Kade and Sohil’s shared quarters. 

He stood at the door for a moment, watching his captain and his second. Maris lay on the floor of Kade and Sohil’s room, blaster on safety and spinning through the air as she flipped it between her hands. With her long legs, she nearly covered the distance between the two beds in their cramped quarters. Blonde hair pulled messily away from her face, which was stoney as she concentrated -- a standard look for her. Even. Emotionless. And concentrating on something. 

Kade sat on his own bed, taking apart his blasters and putting them back together. Over and over. 

Nervous habits for both of them. 

Poe’s family.

“I don’t like being new.” Maris grumbled, tossing her blaster up in the air and catching it with one hand. Poe smiled, leaning into the doorway when she kept talking, not seeing him. “I don’t get why they keep transferring us. We were only on Hosnian for six weeks.”

“I know, Maris. But it’s General Organa. We’ve all got a shot to move up in the world under her leadership.”

“You sound like Dameron.” Tossing her blaster in the air. “Our record is perfect. Doesn’t make sense.” Catching it. “We’ve never lost a target. Our data is always complete.” Toss. “He could have just refused.” Catch. 

Poe coughed to draw attention to his presence, laughing as Maris and Kade jumped up, “Enough of that.” He waved his hand and they returned to their previous positions, Maris’ blaster discarded. “I don’t love it either, you know.” 

“Why transfer? You had the option.” Maris’ tone even, blunt as always.

“Kes would have skinned him if he turned down working for Leia.” Kade smiled, stretching to tap his foot against Poe’s.

“Leave my father out of this.” Poe rolled his eyes. Kes has always loved Kade. _What a sweet boy,_ he'd say whenever they came to visit. _You really should learn from him. Going places, that Kade._ Not that Kes knew they were on Yavin II, so close to the Dameron’s home planet of IV. “I don’t like moving. I don’t like Yavin. What I do like is giving you all the chance to train here. We are a lot less restricted than we would have been on Hosnian.” Something had changed. It felt different, there. Like they weren’t just reserves, working recon on cartels. 

“We’re working with two teams that we have limited knowledge on, and a flight squadron that has two recorded flights in five years.” Kade rolled onto his stomach, looking at Poe. 

“I’m not fully convinced that they are a flight team. I don’t think they can be, with the way they train.” 

“Knives.” Maris said, smiling slightly when Poe nodded at her. 

Kade sat up, “Doesn’t change the fact that they’re registered as a flight squadron.” 

Poe closed the door behind himself. “Caleb was injured on Dathomir. Somehow, May got involved. He was on a ground unit and she isn’t on any records.” He leaned back against it. _Not bad for a flyboy._ May’s words came back, echoing in Poe’s brain. “So they’re a ground specialized squad, posing as a flight team.” Poe leaned against the wall, grinding his teeth as he thought it over. There were too many secrets on Yavin for his liking, but pushing wasn’t going to get him anything. 

Kade sighed, putting his head in his hands. “Why are we here, Commander?” 

Poe took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” 

*

Caleb walked out of the armory, his eyes on his datapad as he stepped into the hall. “Mind if I…” a warm voice asked, breaking his attention. His eyes snapped up, looking over her head. Adjusting quickly so he could see her face. _The new girl on Black_. She smiled, tilting her head to the side. “Commander Tabelt, right?” 

It took him a minute to remember his name. Her eyes were deep and green, flecked with blue and brown, drawing him in. “Um, yes. Cal. You can call me Cal.” He stammered, leaning back into the door behind him.

"Cal." she said slowly, like she was testing the way his name felt on her tongue. "I was hopin' I could bother y’ for directions. Sorta got m'self lost. I'm tryin' to get to the mess."

He smiled, "Would you like me to show you where it is? I was heading that way."

"If y' don't mind." she giggled.

Caleb turned down the hall, unable to keep his eyes off her as they walked. "How are you liking Yavin II?" He asked.

"'s different. Calmer, almost." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, blushing slightly when she met his gaze. "How long have y'all been here?"

He chuckled. Calm was not a word he would have ever thought to use for Yavin. "Since it became a base. The base was opened by Admiral Lo and his daughter, Redell. I served with her."

She turned to fully look at him, catching the past tense. He had a curious look in his eyes, but the grief was unmistakable. “'m sorry." Court touched his arm lightly, just the graze of her fingertips against his skin.

His gaze fell to her hand that had just brushed his, then her lips, and her eyes. He had spent six years preparing for Redell to blink out of existence. He never thought he would feel it when it happened. "She was our namesake. Red. And the Admiral was like a father to all of us. The sun will keep rising though."

"The sun will keep risin'." she repeated, smiling, "Nice sentiment."

He met her eyes. “It was something she always used to say. The sun was always setting or rising, never standing still.”

"You always this forthcomin'?" she said, not an ounce of judgement behind it.

“Only with pretty girls that keep me from work.”

She giggled, her long blonde hair swinging as she ducked her head and did her best to brush off the first part of his statement. "Didn't mean to keep y’ from anythin’, Comm-- Cal."

“I really don’t mind.” He said, taking a little step closer, trying to not overstep. “I’ve been here since the base opened. Showing you around is in my job description.”

"Well, I ‘preciate it."

Caleb stopped in the hall. They were one hallway away from mess. “How much of the base have you seen so far?” He asked, innocently enough.

"Haven't exactly had time for a proper tour. Trainin' and all." she looked up at him from under her eyelashes.

He grinned. “I think a tour can be arranged, if you’re free right now, or maybe tonight?”

"Tonight?"

“If you’re interested.” He held up the datapad. “I do have to get this to command, at some point today.” He chuckled.

"Tonight then. Where should I meet y’?"

“How about I pick you up?”

"A gentleman." she smiled, "Alright." Looking around, she recognized the hallway, "Mess is thataway, yeah?"

“I’m looking forward to it.” He said, bowing his head slightly. “And yes it is, darling.”

 _Darling._ She felt herself flush at the word. "Thanks, Cal." Turning, she started down the hall.

*

Poe stood in his room, the datapad in his hand. He had flipped through the files the past night, when Caleb had left it on his bed. There were more than just a few missions on the log. The longer he read, the less he liked the list. Junk missions on junk planets. Recon on things that had nothing to do with flight teams. He stepped out into the hall and leaned over, knocking on Caleb’s door. Not bothering to close his, less than two steps away. 

Poe started rambling before the door opened all the way, “When I told you I owed you, I should have added that I—“ he paused, coming face to face with May, wearing nothing but a shirt she must have stolen from Caleb. Jaw dropping, his eyes glazed. “Uh—“

May froze, taking in the tall, tan, man with dark eyes that stood in the doorway. She tried to be annoyed, but a grin spread across her face as she leaned against the door. "Cal's out. How can I help you, Commander?" She asked, gauging his reaction behind her smile and her wide eyes.

His eyes trailed up her bare legs to the hem of her shirt. Too big on her, it draped down to her thighs. As he smirked, his tongue swiped across his bottom lip. "You don't have time for all of the answers to that question, sweetheart." his voice a low rumble in his chest. 

Her eyes flitted down to the datapad in his hands. "What's Cal got you doing?" She asked, reaching for the datapad, letting her fingers brush against his hand as she did. He let it go with a gentle tug and she stepped back into the room. "Oh fun, picking out vacation destinations?"

"Recon." he answered automatically, eyes drawn to her hands, her strong fingers, his wandering imagination taking hold as much as he struggled against it. 

"So vacation. Figures." May walked over to the bed, crawling onto it slowly and laying down on her stomach, facing him. She locked her ankles behind her, staring up at him under thick lashes, her head cocked to the side as she flipped through the mission log. "Just like Caleb to dump the boring shit on the new team." she hummed, biting her lip.

Poe took a deep breath, pulling his gaze from her hips. "I owed him a favour. It's easy work while we settle in."

"Easy enough for one and a tag along?" She asked, smiling up at him and running a hand through her dark hair. It was nice to watch him squirm, if only for a moment.

Humming in agreement. "Might need more than a day trip." he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before flipping back into work mode, the daze quickly shaken off. "But aren't you injured?"

"Oh you mean this? It's almost healed." She said, reaching down and pulling up the edge of her shirt to show him the scar from her last mission. It was still an angry red. Mostly healed but close enough she could easily go a round or two without busting it open. She hitched the shirt up enough that she could feel her fingers against the curve of her breast. "I could go for a couple days, easy. Cal would hardly notice I was gone."

"He would notice you were gone and would subsequently kick my ass." He cocked his head, leaning against the doorframe, "That's a bad one, sweetheart. Been to med lately to get that checked? If not, I have a kit next door." he winked.

She giggled, sliding off the bed and crossing the room, back to the door. She reached one hand out, trailing her fingers down over his shirt, tracing the planes of his chest. "I take care of myself, most of the time. But you’re more than welcome to help out, if you really want to."

He tensed, nearly shivering under her touch. Taking her hand, he brought it to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles, not breaking eye contact. "Just say the word, sweetheart." he murmured against her skin. 

She leaned in, almost closing the distance between them. Pausing, her teasing smile turning into something more genuine. "Hey Callie. Back so soon?" She sang, leaning back from Poe. 

"May..." Cal grumbled, pushing past them. "If you're gonna fuck him, don't do it in my room." He sat down on the edge of his bed, leaning over to remove his boots.

“I was actually looking for you, Tabelt.” Poe smiled, trying not to laugh at his own antics as he wet his bottom lip with his tongue and continued. “But I think I’m heading in for the night. Thanks for introducing me to Els. Really appreciate it.” 

"Anytime." Caleb said. "Anything from the log catch your eye?" He asked, ignoring May's glare.

"It'll keep us busy for a week or so." Poe shrugged, "Routine for us. Definitely could have been worse."

"That's the first of six. Let me know if you want more." He said standing up and toward them.

Poe held his hands up, grinning, “My debt is paid. Unless you want to owe me.”

Caleb laughed. "I think the better question is if you want a favor from Red in your back pocket." He looked at May. "I'm not going to tell you again. Shower, now."

"Fine." She groaned, rolling her eyes. She looked over her shoulder at Poe, biting her lip. "I meant what I said about tagging along."

Poe motioned for May to give him his datapad back, "Get med clearance. Then we can talk."

She handed it over, her fingers lingering over his for a second before she pulled away. "Med clearance? Who goes to med for shit?" Teasing grin, lingering by him for as long as she could get away with.

"May..." Caleb said, warning. "Get in the fucking shower." 

"Going." She giggled, not breaking eye contact with Poe as she stepped back towards the ensuite. Her hips swaying just enough to draw his attention.

"About the favour..." Poe crossed his arms, leaning into the doorframe, "If you're comfortable owing me, I'll take another set off your hands."

Caleb followed her over to the door, hitting the panel to shut it so she wouldn't be able to make out their entire conversation. "I don't mind. Just name your price. You'll be doing me a much bigger favor than just lightening my workload."

"In the morning, then. I’ll let you go, since you’ve got someone waiting on you.” He motioned to the door of the bathroom with his chin. A test. 

Caleb smiled slightly. "Other way around. See you tomorrow, sometime."

Poe nodded, stepping out and shutting Caleb’s door. Cryptic seemed to be Red’s only setting. He supposed Caleb was just protecting himself and May. Nothing to report him for if he didn't admit to anything. If the base at Yavin even followed those basic protocol rules. A commander and his captain... Relationships amongst leadership had split teams before. Poe shook his head, hitting the panel inside his room and letting the door slide shut.

Caleb waited until he heard the water shut off and May’s feet on the tile floor before he scooted over in the bed to make room. The door creaked open and she walked out, clothes in hand and her towel tucked around her. “Dry off before you get in, please.” He said, not looking up from his datapad.

“So, are you going to tell me why you are giving easy recon I could do in my sleep to the new team? Are you just being an ass because I made you look bad?” She asked, grabbing one of his shirts out of the drawer and letting her towel drop so she could slide it on.

“Believe it or not, May, not everything I do revolves around you.” he chuckled, pointedly ignoring her changing. Focusing on the datapad in his hand.

“Bullshit, but whatever you say.” She grinned, sliding into bed next to him pressing her cold toes to the warm skin behind his knees. He set the datapad on the table next to him, turning to look at her.

“I hate when you do that with your feet.” He tucked her into his side, one hand playing with her hair as he rested on his back beside her. “You know that you have everyone on this base wrapped around your finger, and yet you decide to fuck your way onto a mission with the new team?” He asked, his voice playful but tight.

"I'll take it if it gets me off this damn planet." She said calmly, looking up at him. "It wouldn't come to this if you let me off world more often."

"You're my captain, May. Not a pet I have to walk. Act like it, for once." Caleb sighed, brushing her hair away from her face with his thumb. “I will take you wherever you want to go. Just promise me that you won’t go with him.”

“Why?” She asked, furrowing her brow. “I have my orders.”

He froze, staring at her. Her words catching him off guard. “What orders?” 

May sat up a little, turning to face him, “Leia wants me to get a read on the new squad. That includes Poe.”

“There are many ways to accomplish the same goal.”

“How I complete my missions is not a concern of yours.” She said quietly. There was no bite to her words, like there was in the training center the day before. 

“I don’t trust him. I don’t want his hands on you.” It was the most possessive Caleb had ever been with her, and it felt forced. Like he was grappling at edges he had no place grabbing for. He ran his hand over her side, drawing patterns through her shirt like he was trying to make everything okay. He flinched when his hand passed over the bump from the bacta that was still binding the hole he left there.

She stilled his hand, pressing it over the wound that was mostly healed, breathing into his touch. “This isn’t you.” She whispered. He tried to pull back but she held him in place. “Lock it down, Red.”

“I watched you die.”

“And Sie knocked you the fuck out and took care of the mission. That’s why there are five of us. You aren’t the only one responsible for saving me.” She said it between gritted teeth, her eyes closed.

He stayed quiet, holding her as much as she would let him. Sie knocked him out the second they got on the shuttle. May survived, because Sie was there for her when he couldn’t be. When he was the one that hurt her. 

“I’m not afraid.” She said, scooting over onto her back after a moment. 

“Maybe you should be.” He replied. They fell back into silence, staring at the dark ceiling. He started tracing again, small circles tangled in her shirt, over her stomach and on the top of her arms. She was seven years old again, sitting in his lap in the back of the shuttle, bombs exploding in the distance.

Caleb had always been her safety, even when he wasn’t safe for her to be around. 

He chuckled, breaking the silence, "Dameron probably thinks we’re sleeping together."

“Let him. It will keep him from getting attached.” Her voice was cold, even. This was business, nothing personal.

Caleb looked over at her. “Are you sure that’s something you’re okay with? Because, you could have fooled me with what I walked in on, _Sweetheart._ ”

"I hate you, you know." 

"Sure you do, brat."

  
  



	6. Vacant Lies

Sie Pavase leaned against the table, her eyes fixed on the floor beside May. “Red will have to go.” she replied to Leia. 

“Leave has been granted. She was more than a friend.” Leia looked at May in quiet contemplation. “Redell’s funeral will be the end of many things.” 

May nodded, catching Poe and Kade as they approached the command center. She straightened up, just enough. Sie cast a glance over her shoulder, pushing off the table and headed for the command center door, putting a soft hand on May's shoulder as she passed her. They locked eyes, and then Sie was gone, May and Caleb stepping closer together, their attention turned to Leia and the incoming squad.

"Commander Dameron.” Caleb addressed Poe as he reached the table, meeting his eyes.

Poe nodded, smiling in acknowledgement before focusing his eyes on Leia, "I hope we haven't interrupted anything, General." It was an honour to finally address her as General. He’d only met her once before transferring to Yavin, at an Alliance gala when he was a child. The only one Kes had ever attended. 

His father had fully left the war when he and Shara, Poe’s mother, had moved to Yavin IV. They didn’t join the government beyond representing their colony at trade meetings, perfectly content to exist in their little corner of the galaxy and raise Poe. 

Poe remembered the gala as clearly as he could see the General in that moment: the fanciest place he’d ever set foot in. Kes had introduced him to Leia briefly before ushering them off to talk to his father’s old commanding officer, General Han Solo. He’d called her Senator then, though she’d been given the title of general after the Battle of Endor. She rarely used it, save for the few bases she monitored as part of her senatorial responsibilities.

He never thought he would get a chance to use it. The title bringing a familiar warmth to his chest, ebbing around the weight of the distance between him and his father. If he closed his eyes, he could see their little farm, nestled into the countryside. Soft music and his mothers laugh, caught in his memory.

“We were just discussing funeral arrangements for a dear friend.” Leia’s face was a schooled mask of subtle grief. Reserved and poised, but fake. “I understand that Tabelt has passed off some recon missions to Black.”

Kade Sol stepped in slightly, further obscuring his body behind Poe's as the commander spoke, "Yes, ma'am." 

“Commander Tabelt, which priority did you give them? I don’t believe we discussed that.” Leia turned to Caleb.

“Five. They don’t have clearance for the others.” He replied.

“Yes, I will have to work on that. Commander Dameron, those are routine recon missions. Did you have any questions before we begin the briefing?”

"No ma'am. I think we've got it covered." he smiled, trying to cover his annoyance. There was no reason he could come up with that he shouldn’t have the same clearance as Caleb. He wasn’t transferred here to get demoted. 

Leia smiled, turning to May. "Captain Marnath." She opened, waiting for May to take the briefing. 

She dropped her eyes to her datapad, throwing a map up onto the screen. "With the announcement of the vote, we have seen those large shipments of Empire scrap to the outer rim increase. The destination is still unknown. Three of the level 2 mines have reported increased patrols as well. It is unclear who ordered them." May ran through the report that Black Squad had clearance for, a small piece of a much larger puzzle. 

"I will see what I can find out about the orders. Leave me the list." Leia replied as she looked around the table, briefly. Passing over each of their faces. "Do you feel that increased recon in the outer sector is wise at this point, Captain?"

"Not until we know more. Increased recon would be seen as a sign of aggression. The first stone." May replied, her eyes flitting to Poe and back to the data. "I will see what I can do from here, General." 

Poe set his shoulders, keeping his eyes firmly on Leia. The General deferring to a captain with two commanders in the room… Red’s training with knives… May’s sass in the hallway, before he knew her name… 

And May had pretended the night before that she didn’t know about the missions Caleb had given Black. She couldn’t have read through all the files in the time he stood, drooling in her doorway, but she didn’t seem surprised by a moment of the briefing. There was some part of him that had to be impressed by it: the sheer power with which she stood, controlled the room, and had even the General’s eyes on her. Impressed, and damn-near terrified. 

Leia simply nodded, turning back to Poe. "Commander, how is your team settling in?"

"Well. Thank you." He couldn't help his eyes shifting to look at May briefly. "I think being on Yavin is going to do us all some good."

"I hope you’re right. There are some escorts coming up that Gold will not be available to complete. May will get you the details. If there is nothing further, then I believe this briefing is over." Caleb brushed May's hand lightly with his at Leia's words. "Captain, go with Black Squad, get them set up for those escorts." 

"Yes, General." May turned off the hologram and turned to leave the room.

Poe fell into step between May and Kade as they left command. "So, what are we looking at?" he asked.

She focused on the screen of her datapad, trying to ignore his prying eyes. "Simple escorts. One or two fighters each, at most. They will be spread out over the next few weeks. Gold will pick up the remainder when they return from Ryloth." Cold. Business. Matter-of-fact.

"What are they up to on Ryloth?" he asked, hands in his pockets as they walked.

"You don't have clearance," she replied automatically. "I have the breakdowns in the data room. Follow me." she said, taking the next left to her side office.

Poe couldn't help but chuckle as Kade stiffened. "You sure do keep a lot of secrets here, sweetheart."

She laughed, the sound not really reaching her ears. "The first little while on Yavin is hard. Information is earned. You'll have to ask Jace about his transition, sometime." She stopped at the door to her office. It was a little room, a far cry from the data lab next door that she all but lived in between missions. It was organized, and not filled with tech. "Take a seat, anywhere." She said over her shoulder as she grabbed a seat at her desk.

"I'm sorry. About your friend." Poe said as he sat down across from her.  _ Keep it to business, Dameron.  _ "If there's anything extra we can do, with you all and the funeral and everything, please let us know." Kade stood behind him, silent and nodding, but gave May a small smile.

May paused, momentarily. "We were never friends. Now she's dead. I won’t be attending the funeral." Cold and biting, enough to send them both reeling back.

Poe swallowed, not sure what else to say. The look on her face, closed off and cold, had him sitting back in his chair to put distance between them. "Escorts." he coughed, a clunky subject change.

She pulled up the files and handed the datapad over. Five escorts. “Look it over. Leia usually wants the personnel assignments a week or so in advance. I would figure out who you’re sending to what today and get it back to her.” May softened a little bit, enough so that she could breathe again. She met his gaze, his face a mask.

“Won’t be a problem.” Poe took the datapad from her, tucking it under his arm without looking at the files. “Is that all?”

Leaning back, she gave him a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Unless you need anything from me." A tug in her chest, something she wanted to say but no words to say it. May watched his face, her shoulders sinking back into her seat and letting her gaze look over him, her breath evening out.

“Not at the moment. I’ll find you later if that changes.” He stood, Kade leading him to the door, “Thanks, Captain.” Poe allowed himself a slip, a wink, before disappearing through the door.

May sank her head into her hands, trying to shake off her conversation with them. The way Kade jerked, the look on Poe’s face. Redell was dead. There was no point pretending she was anything more than a party girl. If it wasn’t sex, it was spice or alcohol, dancing every night and a new bed every morning. The daughter that Tiff’k died for, and a place she could never go back to.

Redell died -- the first time -- the morning Alysia found her on the bathroom floor, her father’s words carving the will to go out and get high and fuck away the pain out of her chest. She didn’t need it; she wanted it. When that want was gone, all that was left was emptiness. Ace and Jack and a rack of knives. Five and Six and a steel whip. She would take it all, to erase those words from her memory.

May pulled herself up, leaving her office and slipping into the data lab next door. Her lab was always messy. Too much tech, not enough space. She had a cot in the corner that doubled as a work bench most days, when she was too wired to sleep. Stacks of data chips, broken pads that she was still fixing, and communications equipment filled the room in various stages of repair. She sank down to the floor beside a small pile of tools she had abandoned near a relay she had been working on.

The relay was open, just waiting to be fixed. Like everything else on Red’s log. She picked up the datapad that was running the diagnostics and began to flip through reports, surveying the damage. 

Her fingers began tapping a familiar rhythm on her leg from memory as she worked.

*

“She’s a character.” Kade looked sidelong as Poe, an eyebrow raised, the second they were out of earshot of the room.

“You’ve got a read on her?” 

Kade shook his head. “I thought I did, and then you mentioned the funeral.” 

Poe was in the same boat. Of all the reactions he was expecting, distant wasn’t one of them. “Did you catch a name?”

“No. I’ll see what I can find, though.” 

Poe touched his arm, eyes softening. It was so like Kade, jumping on any leads they could find. For work or otherwise. The same as it had been since they’d become friends when Poe was fourteen. “Don’t. We have more important things to worry about. Rhyloh.” 

“Okay. Ryloth first.” 

“I’ll get the assignments sorted. You get the team onto the tarmac after dinner tonight. I’ll update you then.”

“Scouting practice?” Kade grinned.

Nodding, “Before you all learn the terrain.” 

Kade reached the barracks, a hand resting on the wall beside the panel. “Sounds good. We’ll be there. Did you get our data issues sorted?”

“Fuck. No. I was gonna get May to handle that.” 

“No distractions, Dameron.” Kade grinned, stepping into the hall. 

“No promises.” He winked, jogging back the way they came. 

The office wasn’t far. He rounded the corner and tried the door, finding it locked. 

Poe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his finger and his thumb. She threw him off, reminded him of his place on this base every chance she had, then offered help and vanished when he actually needed it.

He let his hand fall, looking down the hallway where they had come from briefing. It was the opposite direction that he and Kade had gone. There was a door ajar that hadn’t been open before.

Poe stopped in the doorway, leaning against the frame as he took in the room as a whole.  _ No distractions.  _ Like he had a chance.

May was seated on the floor, datapads and equipment scattered around her as she hopped back and forth between the devices. Whatever she was working on had her complete attention. Pieces of hair falling out of the twist she had it in, tapping along the back of the datapad as she thought before setting in on her task, he had to watch her. His breath caught as he stepped through the doorway, watching her wiggle slightly to whatever music she was playing in the ear-piece she had in, and his brain stalled.

She broke the silence for him, saying, “You don’t have clearance to be in here.” without looking up from the tablet in her lap.

Clearance. Always fucking clearance issues. He shuffled his feet back so that not even his toes were passing the seam of the door. Poe smiled, "What are you working on?"

"You don't have clearance for that, either." Tossing the datapad on the floor, she stood up. "Forget something?" She cocked her head and rested her hands on her hips, eyes trailing over him.

"With the recon you've got on us, we're going to need data storage." he chose his words carefully, waiting for her to slip up. He was sure, after that meeting, that she’d been the one to stick them on those missions. As dumb as she’d played it -- and him -- the night before. 

"Top drawer, the cabinet on the right." She said, pointing towards the cabinet closest to the door, turning her attention back to the relay she was working on. "Anything else?"

He pulled two chips out of the drawer, turning back to watch her for a moment. Her guard down, concentrating, she looked almost peaceful. “You’re really not going to tell me what you’re doing?” 

She rolled her eyes, smiling more for herself than him. "It’s nothing you would be interested in."

"Try me."

"No."

He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Come on."

"I'm serious." She looked at him closely. He was hard to read, sometimes. Brief moments of something passed across his face when they talked, something she couldn't place. "I'll tell you what, you beat me on the mat and I will tell you what I'm working on."

"Deal." he grinned, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall.

"We can settle that later. Unless you want to swap the mat out for a cot." She smirked, jerking her head towards her cot in the corner. "Some of us have actual work to do today."

"I'm good either way, sweetheart. And aren't we supposed to take breaks? Not overwork ourselves? Take a moment to relax every once in a while?" Leaning back against the door with a wink.

"This is a break, unless you had something else in mind."

"You started this." he raised his hands in surrender.

"Oh did I? Sweetheart." She laughed, walking over to the desk behind her and away from the flyboy in the doorway.

"This time." he corrected himself, biting his bottom lip as he watched her.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself when you're alone in your bed tonight."

"I don't have to be alone." He almost flinched, hearing the uncharacteristically desperate edge to his voice. 

She rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she picked up another datapad. "Good luck with that. Hope it goes over well." 

He snorted, almost facepalming as he shook his head. "You're impossible."

"You have no idea, baby." She laughed. "I'll be on the mat after Gold is off this afternoon. If you're interested in round two."

"I'll be there." Poe left, counting down the seconds until the end of the other squad’s session.

*

A few hours later, May stretched on the mat, touching her forehead to her calf. She wasn't waiting, and she wasn't entirely certain he would actually come.

"You showed." Poe called into the room, empty other than them. He hovered in the centre of the large space, between the half that housed the equipment and the mat May was laying on. 

"I'm always here." she switched legs, not looking up.

"I'll be honest," he admired the view and her flexibility for a moment before continuing, "I thought this might be another of your moves."

"You make it sound like I'm just fucking with you." She laughed, hoping up. Her eyes moved over him, head to toe. "If you need to stretch, I'll wait." It’s not like she’d complain about the view. 

He laughed, low in his throat as he watched her eyes. "I'm good." 

"If you say so." she said, stepping up. "Ready?" 

"If you are." 

She fell into step with him, watching him move. Letting him get the first grab, leaving her side open to see if he would catch it. She tumbled to the ground, following his movements as he pinned her quickly. "So this is what it feels like to be under you.” Her suggestive laughter laced with something that bordered on need.

"If that's what you wanted, sweetheart, we could have skipped straight to your cot suggestion." He didn't let go, shifting his hips into her as he spoke. "You didn't even pretend to try. I might start thinking you're a little desperate."

"I never said that was what I wanted." She bit her lip, watching the way his body reacted to her. The tension in his shoulders. The way his tongue swiped across his bottom lip. "I was just leveling the playing field, honey. Like I said earlier, whatever you need to tell yourself."

"And like  _ I _ said earlier: you're impossible." He released his grip, standing and offering her a hand. "Don't need you to take pity on me, sweetheart. Show me what you've got."

She took his hand, swiping his legs and pulling him into her guard before he could take a breath. His torso resting between her thighs, she twisted his arms, pinning him in place above her. "I don't take pity on the mat. Just in the bedroom."

He struggled against her, not really trying. Very much enjoying the proximity, if he was honest with himself. "Y'know, the more you talk, the more this little game of ours seems never ending."

"That's a bad thing? You’re not my type." She said, switching positions, twisting him up without breaking control.

He groaned at the movement. "Pretty sure Sie thinks differently. That's her name, isn't it? The pretty, sassy one with too many knives?"

May chuckled. "The sassy one with the big mouth, you mean?" She let him go, getting up off the mat. "For the record, most of those knives are mine."

"She seems to be under the impression that you have a thing for the title." he said, rolling up into his knees, cocking his head.

"Oh she knows better than that." May raised her eyebrow at him, "Since she's with me”  _...or close enough. _

"Might want to inform Jace that you're taken." he stood, resetting.

"Jace?" She faked to the right, going for his left knee, falling just short. "He knows he's welcome to join anytime. I guess I can extend that invitation to you."

"I don't share well, sweetheart."

"I find that hard to believe." Two steps to the right, a fake and she caught his weak side, following him down onto the mat.

"Why's that?"

She sat back, straddling him, her hips seated above his. "Flirts aren’t usually monogamous."

"I didn't say I only have one partner. I just prefer one at a time." He gripped her thigh, bucking up to break her grip as he flipped them over. Laying his weight into his hips, face inches from hers. "I like to take my time."

She looked down between them, her gaze catching his chest through the neck of his shirt as he held himself over her. "Good to know." Playing it off, her eyes falling back down to their legs, she asked, "Would you like to learn a trick?" cocking her head to the side.

"I'm sure you'll show me whether I want you to or not."

"Hey, you won, kinda. Unless you didn't really want me to show you what I do." She shrugged her shoulders, grinning up at him.

"Will you still show me what you were working on?"

"Does that involve spending time with you?"

"It would, yes."

"Then probably not."

He grumbled, "Alright, well, guess I'm not getting that either way. Go ahead." Bracing himself for the worst.

She had run her hand down her side while they talked, sliding it between their hips and under his shirt where the fabric fell forward. "Guys have a pressure point right here..." She said, finding the spot with ease and pressing in. His leg spasmed and he dropped his hold on her. She flipped them on the mat, back to the position they were in before, but her hand up his shirt, pressed against his abs. "If you're ever in a bad spot."

"Yeah, that's definitely what I'm going to be retaining from this." He shifted up into her hand slightly, cocking an eyebrow.

She sat up all the way, sliding her hips back over his intentionally. His eyes narrowed at the friction from her settling back. "I'll be in my lab all night, if you need a refresher."

He pressed his lips into a tight line, stifling the sounds that would have come out of him at her movement. His eyelids fluttered slightly, but he regained his composure enough to mutter, "Of course I fucking scheduled training for the one night you..." he shook his head at her, tonguing his lower lip with a smile. Wishing the pang in his chest away. 

She cocked her head to the side, shifting again just to watch the look on his face when she did. "That's too bad."

"Sweetheart..." he muttered, his tone warning as his hands moved to her hips to still her.

She got up, slipping out of his grasp and stepping off the mat. "Good fight. See you around, flyboy." Grinning over her shoulder as she sauntered away.

He threw an arm over his face, waiting until the echo of her footsteps had quieted before moving.

*

Poe wandered down the hall, enjoying the quiet and warmth of night on Yavin. Black had touched down an hour ago, but he was too wired to think he should sleep. Or work. Going to find May had crossed his mind, but he wasn’t interested in getting shot down yet again. So he went exploring.

He’d been strolling along for some time, hands swinging loosely at his sides, learning the twists and turns of the passages in the base, when he reached a familiar hall. It took him a moment to recognize the corridor, all the doors closed but one. Els’. 

_ My door’s always open.  _

He poked his head in, the only bulb on in the room casting a spot of light over her workspace in the far corner. In the broken glow, the shadow of her tongue poking out the side of her mouth altered the shadow of her on the wall. With her dark hair tied up with a rag that might have been white at some point, the image behind her almost looked like a bird, one wing held tight to its body and the other outstretched.

The image was interrupted as she held up the small panel she was tinkering with, something beyond Poe’s limited knowledge of mech. 

“What’re you doing up so late?” he murmured, voice soft as not to startle her.

Els jumped anyways, his voice breaking her out of the trance her work put her in. Her blue eyes flashed silver in the light. "Hey hun. Just working on something." she said with a big grin, meeting his gaze.

"Very cryptic," he stepped into the room, leaning back against the doorframe. "Hun." he echoed, "Forgot my name already?"

"Oh no. I told you. Hun suits you." she winked, "Why don't you come over here and I'll show you what I'm working on." Els scooted over on the bench, making room for him to join her at her tiny workstation.

He crossed the room slowly, sliding in next to her. "Alright, you're going to have to dumb this down for me." he turned his shoulders towards her, cocking his head to the side.

"This is a very, very, very small surge protector for a dual fuel oscillator." She held it out for him, the little panel resting in one hand.

"Lots of words. None of them sound fun." he took it from her, turning the delicate work over in his hands. The wires on the other side were organized, of various colours, and perfectly confusing to Poe.

She laughed, watching his face scrunch as he looked at the piece. "Dumber? This goes in a big gun that can go underwater. Keeps it from shorting." 

"Yeah, that's a little more my speed." he smiled, setting the plate down gently. "I'll be sure to find you if I need to blow shit up underwater." Looking into her bright eyes, he rested an elbow on the table. "Do you always work this late?"

She took the piece back, setting it on the table as she threw one leg over the bench so she could turn to face him. "Most nights. Unless I am occupied with other things."

"You gonna be cryptic about those too?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, I could show you if you really wanted." She grinned, watching the thoughts on his face. She definingly had a type, and it was sitting on the bench next to her with an open invitation. She felt his gaze in her chest, little butterflies that fluttered with every pass of his tongue over his lips.

"Did you have something in mind, hun?"

"Depends. How do you feel about swimming?" She slid a little closer, until her shin knocked lightly against his thigh.

He moved his hand to her knee, thumb tracing slow circles as he said, "Lead the way."

"My kinda flyboy." She grinned, taking his hand and hoping off the bench. He followed her out of the room, waiting patiently in the hallway while she locked her door. She felt the blush creeping up her neck with every graze of his hand against her thigh where their hands rested, entwined.

They went down the mech hall, lighting strips igniting and darkening in response to their movement. Els took him down a turn he hadn’t yet explored, and out into a short clearing behind the base. "Y'know, I'm putting a lot of faith in you here. Following someone I just met out into the dark..." he smirked, though she couldn’t see much without the lights in the base. 

"Poe Dameron, afraid of a little mystery?"

"So you do remember my name."

"I remember a lot of things." She said, letting her eyes trail over him as she slowed. 

"How much longer are you making me wait, exactly?" 

"Here!" She announced, coming to a halt at the edge of a glassy pool, just inside the first line of trees. It was so dark that if he didn't know it was there, he would have walked right into it. In the dark, he could only make out the edge, the true size of the lake unknown. 

Els pulled her other hand out of the pocket of her navy blue mechanic’s suit, yanking Poe around to the side of the small pool furthest away from base. Chuckling as he watched her effectively feel up a tree, she shot him a joking glare before a mechanical thunk lit the clearing up. 

She’d strung up a few old lights in the trees surrounding the pool, illuminating the clearing just enough to navigate. The lake continued on to his left in the dark. “It’s pretty big, but this side is the warmest.” she shrugged, turning back to him with a grin, "Would you like to do the honors?" she held out the zipper to her mechanics suit, raising an eyebrow.

Poe chuckled, "We're not making it in the water if I get my hands on you now, hun." as he let his eyes trail up her body. 

Els pulled down the zipper on her suit herself, tossing a flirty look over her shoulder. "Your loss." She turned her back fully to him. Letting her suit fall down her torso, she rolled it off of her hips and took her underwear down with it. Els pulled her hair out of its ponytail, shaking it down her back before sitting on the edge -- lined with rocks, like someone had set it up to swim -- and sliding into the water. 

Poe pulled his shirt over his head, one hand working on his pants before following her in. It was pleasant enough in temperature, which shocked him. And deep, he discovered as his head nearly slipped under. Flailing slightly as he stood up, his shoulders just breaching the surface and his feet solid on the muddy bottom. Fed by an underwater spring that kept it warm, maybe. No matter what it was, he’d have to mark the spot on the way back. "Do I want to know how you found this place?" 

"It's a funny story, actually. Involves a speeder malfunction and a very naked Mech." She giggled, sinking down into the water and pushing away from the grass.

"You'll have to tell me sometime when I'm not otherwise distracted." His eyes fixed on her, his gaze heavy. She didn’t make him chase her, which was good. He was hard before they had left her workshop, and his self restraint was wearing a little thin.

And she was just so fucking beautiful. Els giggled as he grabbed her hips, pulling her in. Her legs locked around his waist, her arms snaking around his neck as she let her head fall back. "Hmm... depends on how this goes." She said, her tone light and playful.

He matched her tone, leaning in to press a trail of kisses along her neck. "Challenge accepted." He breathed into her ear as he reached it, tugging her earlobe lightly with his teeth. Unable to help the way he grinned as she trembled in his arms. 

Until a flash of green in the water beyond her shoulder had him scrambling back through the water, one arm wrapped around her to move her to safety. 

“What the fuck is that?!” 

"Jellies!" she giggled, sliding out of his grasp and moving to cup the glowing spot. She lifted her hands, water cascading out of her grip. A small transparent blob, like a floating bubble, rested in her palms. Tendrils of glowing green snaked their way around her wrists, almost all the way down to her elbow. 

Poe wrinkled his nose in disgust. "They don't hurt?"

“Nope.” She kicked her legs, swimming back over to him and moving to hand him the blob. “Here--”    
  
“No thanks.” Snorting, he quickly swam away, nearly shrieking when he felt something cold caress his back. Looking down… “They’re fucking everywhere!” 

The whole pool seemed to be filled with them, the green tentacles moving through the water sending shivers up his spine.

“They live here, hun.” 

“ _ Jellies  _ on Yavin IV will kill you.” 

“Good thing we aren’t on Yavin IV, then.” Els grinned, letting the offending creature slip off her hands and back into the water. “They’re cute! And harmless.” 

“They are not cute.” 

“I have been cockblocked by fish.” 

Poe chuckled, shoulders shaking. Heaving himself up onto the grass, he sat quietly for a moment before nodding. “I think I’m done with the pool.” 

As much as Els was admiring the view, she softened at the genuine discontent in his eyes. “Fair enough. I need to be getting back to work anyways.” She pulled herself up next to him, kissing his cheek as she got out of the water and quickly reached for her clothes. 

“Another time, then.” he smiled. 

“Yeah?” 

“Whenever you feel like coming by.” 

She met his gaze. "An open door policy is a scary thing to implement here on Yavin, hun. You did just get here." 

"Isn't your open door policy what got you all of this in the first place?" He called across the distance, pulling his legs out of the water to follow her over to their clothes. 

"No, I'm pretty sure that was my droid work." She turned back to look at him, still standing naked on the shore while her mech suit pooled around her waist. "In all seriousness though, Yavin's not like other bases. Watch where you walk, until you know where you're walking."

"Got any not-cryptic advice?" 

She hummed as she thought. “The last station in hangar one, closest to the doors on the right, has the best crew."

"Anything else?" He asked, curiously, watching her get dressed as he zipped up his pants, trying not to squirm with the way they stuck to his wet legs.

"You'll have to earn that. Information always has a price." She said with a wink.

"Guess I'll have to work on earning that tomorrow, then."

She turned, still smiling playfully. "Why's it so important to you?" She let her eyes trail down his body as he pulled his clothes on, her gaze lingering on his arms that had held her in place. Heat pooled between her legs again, her mind drifting away from his question, just slightly.

"Just learning my way around this place. No ulterior motives." He held his hands up in surrender, his body still relaxed. 

His answer brought her out of her thoughts. She laughed, "By any means necessary. You're gonna fit in just fine here."

"I can't say I mind the tasks you're giving me to earn it." He stepped closer, putting a hand on her waist and urging her towards him. She stepped into his arms, relaxing into his touch. 

"Oh really? Well in that case..." She said, her voice low and filled with the heat that flared with every touch. "Maybe I'll stop by once I finish that thing I was working on before you distracted me." 

“Please do.” He replied, matching her tone. He hesitated for a moment before letting his arms drop, offering her a hand and gesturing to the base. “The sooner I get you back to work, the sooner I’ll get to earn that next piece of advice.” She giggled, taking his hand and leading him back to base.

  
  



	7. Benduday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: smut

Poe popped the roof of his cockpit, handing his helmet to the crew member -- Aitha, one of the nicer of the mechs that worked on Black’s ships -- standing on the ladder and swinging himself out. He scaled down, the rest of Black assembled around Kade near the nose of his ship. "Good work today." 

A shuttle touching down on the far side of the landing field pulled his attention. He watched Red squadron leaving the training centre, dressed head to toe in Republic formal dress. May nowhere to be found. _ The funeral _ . "Take the rest of the day off." Poe ordered, his attention on Caleb’s retreating form. 

"Actually take it off, or let Kade kick our asses on the range?" Aaron asked, a big grin on his face. 

"Work through your own programs. Stay sharp. I'll see you at dinner. Dismissed." Poe left them standing there, jogging over to the shuttle as Red loaded onto it. "Tabelt," he called, waiting a good distance away from the ship.

Caleb stopped short of the ship, his eyes meeting Sie’s as she stopped under the hanger door. "Yeah, Dameron?" He called, turning around. 

"Safe travels. If you need anything, while you're gone or when you're back, let me know. No favour, no bullshit. Just say the word." 

He looked at Poe, his face heavy with thoughts he couldn’t put into words. Poe wasn’t a bad guy. He just wasn’t what Yavin needed. "Red takes care of our own, but I appreciate the offer." He replied quietly. 

"It's the least I can do." Poe knew what it was like to lose people. Accidents happened, even if there hadn't been a full out war since his mother and father's time.

Caleb nodded, turning back to Red and Sie and the shuttle. “See you around Black.”

*

_ One. Two. Three. Four.  _

May counted every hit in her head. It was one thing when it hit back. She could focus on the dance, get lost in it. But the bag was all take and no give. And she needed to take the hits, not just give them. 

_ Five. _

There was blood on her knuckles. On the bag. On the floor. Her body screamed, her side bled, but she wouldn’t stop. Not until she broke. There was no smoky room full of music and hands and haze to make the pain stop. To take the nightmares away. To help her breathe again. Those were a part of Redell’s world. She was paying for it.

_ Six. _

Red squadron was burying Redell Lo on Hosnian. The sole survivor. The last Lo. Three empty graves under grass that was too long and a tree that was messy, just like her. Lies about her on every tongue because funerals are for the living, and what they want to remember. They are never about the truth.

_ Seven. _

May’s eyes found Tiff’k’s helmet on the rack with the rest of her flight gear. She could feel the gash on the tips of her fingers, committed to memory. The way it curved at the end from the metal that was warped just enough. It wasn’t a clean cut. It’s never a clean cut.

_ Eight. Nine. Ten.  _

She heard the scream in her throat, felt it. She switched stances, lining up to go again. Caleb would have stopped her when she started bleeding. 

Caleb wasn’t there. 

_ One.  _

Bones don't have to break to be broken. 

“May?” A voice she barely recognized called out to her. 

_ Two. _

She hit again, feeling it all the way through to her shoulder. Hands grabbed her, pulling her back. “Stop.”

May turned, meeting soft green eyes full of misplaced concern, and firm hands in all the wrong places. “Court?”

"What are y’ doing?" She cradled May's bleeding hands in hers.

"I'm fine." May said, recoiling from her touch. _ Lock it down, Red,  _ she reminded herself, a potential enemy inches away. "Just some light training." Gasped out as she fought to get her breath under control.

_ Light training. _ Court watched her eyes, concern knitting her eyebrows together. "Let me wrap your hands, Captain. Then I'll go." she murmured, holding a hand out for hers.

May waved her off, "I got it."

"Two options, then. I wrap your hands an’ leave, or I stay and train with y’. Captain." she added as an afterthought.

She smiled at the girl in front of her, picking up the tape and walking back over. "I was heading in for the day. Thank you though."

"Alright." Court moved to lean against the doorframe, waiting for her.

She cocked her head as she wrapped her knuckles, her eyes fluttering closed from the pain as she tugged them tight. "How are you settling in?" May asked casually, drawing the subject away from the bloody bag that hung a few feet away, still swinging slightly.

"Well. Thank y'." Court smiled, "Yavin's sure different than anywhere else I've been."

"You'll get used to it. Like I told your commander, transition here is hard. It's just how we run things." Because they had to. Because it wasn't an actual base.

"It's nice. Feels like home. More than any of our other transfers."

"You settle in fast. Been here two years, I don't think this will ever be home." May said quietly, with a tight smile.

"Not the place. Y'all are different. You and Cal and Sie and e'ryone. It's... nice." she wasn't quite sure how to word it. The two squads on Yavin and the small mechanics group seemed more like family than the crew on any base Court had seen. And she’d seen a few. 

"I'm glad. We aren't around much, I hope the rest of the base grows on you... eventually." She laughed, picking up her stuff. "I'll see you around, Five."

"Court." she corrected gently, "Calls are fo’ the air."

"Got it." May smiled, stepping out into the hall, just past her. "Where are you headed next?"

"Food." Court groaned, "Dameron and his fuckin’ late nights and early ass mornin’s."

She laughed, "Know which way you're going?"

"Wouldn't mind a guide." Court wasn't sure why she wanted to keep an eye on May, but she'd play dumb to keep her around.

May motioned for her to follow, holding a hand out and falling into step beside Court. "So, you used to be on Alpha right? What made you move to Black?" she asked, innocently enough. "Not to pry. I run the data channels for the General so I read every file."

"Open book. Ask away." Court waved her nervous tone off. "I was, yeah."

"So why Black? Alpha is a solid team. I've met their commander." May lied through her teeth. Redell had met him. Redell had slept with him, one drunken sloppy night when she was so far gone she didn't care. She woke up, covered in sex and spice, and then did it all over again while she tried to get cleaned up in the shower. Another nail in the list of mistakes lining her coffin.

Court shrugged, "Kilis is fine -- a decent commander for sure -- but it's Dameron. I mean, c'mon." she grinned, "Who wouldn't take that transfer? Best damn record in three classes at the Academy, and trained by Antilles himself?"

May snorted, "Fair enough. Leia asked me when they started pulling options for Dameron if I wanted in the pile. I've always been curious what I passed up on."

"Hard to describe if y’ haven't worked with him."

"I'm sure I'll get the chance." May hummed, clenching her fists at her side. "Small base. We tend to mix teams when needed. It's a Yavin thing."

"Hopin' for your sake that it's a little while before then." Court giggled.

"Why?"

She blushed a little, laughing, "He's got... rules ain’t quite the right word. Doesn't mix business with anythin'."

"I think we will get along just fine then." May smiled at her. "The mission always comes first."

"Sure, baby." she shook her head slightly, smiling.

May stopped at the door to mess. "Here you are. If you need anything, let me know."

"Not gonna join me?"

"Cal and I had a big breakfast." May lied, stepping back, away from the door. "Have a good lunch."

"See ya around, Red."

May smiled, heading down the hall with a short wave. The throbbing pain in her hand became more and more pressing as she walked back to the room. The numbness from the adrenaline fading.

Her back hit the door as it shut behind her. Deep ragged breaths, clutching her side with hands that had started to bleed through her wrappings. Fumbling for her datapad on the desk as she collapsed on the bathroom floor.

Tears from the pain, no emotion behind them. Struggling out of her shirt. Her fingers left bloody fingerprints on the cabinet as she pulled the medkit out. Her hands too shaky to hold it, sending it spilling to the floor, its contents rolling away from her. 

Grabbing the first bacta pack she saw. Peeling it open and pressing it to her side. She breathed hard through clenched teeth as she held in a painful whimper. Pulling the old pack that had separated from her healing skin. Trying to tuck the new one in.

“Fuck.” She hissed as it slipped around the wound. Too much blood for it to stick. Pressing it down, grappling for her datapad.

Gold’s Lieutenant. She typed out a quick message to the only actual medic she trusted, focusing on applying even pressure while she waited for his response.

**_You need a clotting agent for the bacta to adhere. It will be in a blue package with a gold stripe. Lay the cloth over the wound and then apply the bacta._ **

She read the message over and over, looking through the pile, flipping over package after package.

_ Blue with the gold stripe… blue… what the fuck is a clotting agent? _

Her fingers flipped over a pack of plain gauze, the package he’d described sitting underneath. Following his instructions, she tried to read through the red smudges on the screen. Her breathing evened out as the fix worked, the bacta cool over the warm, open wound. 

Relief rushed through her as she leaned back against the wall. Closing her eyes.

*

Poe wandered out to the tarmac, to his ship after dropping Els off at her workshop and willing himself away. He’d been by to ask her some questions, mostly about BB-8’s upkeep. The poor thing was still struggling with some basic commands he was going to need when he started working Caleb’s files. But he’d stuck around because she was… Els. Her wandering hands and the bright eyes that followed would have been enough to keep him wanting more, but something about her put him at ease, even as the base as a whole put him on edge. 

He wheeled a ladder over to his X-Wing, climbing up and sliding into the pilot’s seat. Pulling the top closed, sighed into the quiet, swiping a hand through his thick hair. Poe closed his eyes and relaxed into his seat. 

He fucking hated moving. There was no delicate way to put it. At least he had Els, a friend, someone outside the squad to go to. It felt like too much, sometimes, not that he could admit that to anyone. Commander for four months and they’d already seen three bases. 

Something drew his attention. A squeaking sound. The ladder he had used to climb into his ship being wheeled away. He almost popped the top of his cockpit open when he realized it was Jace. Poe watched Jace roll it over to another X-Wing, one he didn’t recognize. One of Red’s. 

The things Jace got up to were none of his business, and he wasn't about to make his presence known as he tried to get to the ground without a ladder. Poe sighed, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. 

"Hey, babygirl." Jace called out over the clank of the ladder. May sat in the cockpit, her hair piled on her head and her jacket tied around her waist, covering her shorts. Caleb's t-shirt tucked into her jacket, pulling as she stood up with the top of her X-Wing, pushing it up manually.

"Jace." She laughed, bending over the edge to see what he was doing. "Come to keep me company?"

He laughed, climbing up next to her flyer. "Need a distraction?"

"Yes." Her automatic response, not bothering to look around the hanger before she made room for him in her cockpit, leaning against the controls.

"New squad or the funeral?" He asked, sliding in beside her and pulling her into his arms, one hand delicately brushing the wound on her side. Making sure she was okay before he crushed her to his chest, kissing the top of her head lightly, the way he did any time she needed comfort. Reacting to the tension in her shoulders, rubbing lightly to take it away. For her. Always for her.

"You don't have clearance to ask that question, baby." She said with a tight grin, eyes meeting his, telling him what she needed as she undid his pants and pushed him down into her seat. His hands finding the edge of her shorts, pulling them down as she straddled his lap, taking him inside with ease.

Her X-Wing was a converted two seater. Older than anything they had on base save a few older model A-Wings and Y-Wings, tucked into dusty, unused corners of the hangers. But Red Five was home. Filled with more memories than she could contain. Then she needed to.

Jace was a part of those memories. Jace. Caleb. Sie. Alysia. Tiff’k… Redell. People it hurt too much to think about. People she had to forget, the only kind of loss that was permanent.

Sinking into Jace, she let him be her escape.

They had never been all over each other. It wasn't how they worked. He was there for her, however she needed him. More was never more with them, never needed to be. If she wanted it, he always did. But there was never any pressure with Jace. Just companionship.

He urged her arms up to take her shirt off, her hair tumbling down her back. She shook it out, letting it dance with every roll of her body over him as they found the pace that would get her to the edge the fastest. Like always. He would keep whatever pace she wanted him to, without complaint. His hands roamed her body, finding all the places she liked to be touched with ease. Quick enough she could lose herself to his touch, the rest of the base fading into the background.

Everything except brown hair, tan skin, and closed eyes that sat in the cockpit of another X-Wing, across the tarmac. 

_ Dameron.  _

Her eyes fixed on the cockpit, unsure of what to do. Jace continued underneath her, his lips and teeth grazing her skin as he did what she asked of him. But her mind was racing away from the gentle touches and fingers digging into her hips the way she liked it.

Poe opened his eyes, shifting in his seat to turn his back and give Jace some privacy. His eyes catching her gaze. Faltering as he recognized the blue eyes watching him back. Her face even and unreadable, despite what was happening in the cockpit with Jace. Every inch of his body screaming to turn away. 

His hands gripped his seat, forcing his shoulders to turn him away from the scene in the other cockpit. They’d been on base for a week and May was the only one he’d been warned not to make an enemy of.

May watched him shift uncomfortably, his gaze on her enough to knock the wind out of her lungs. A soft moan, filling her face as Jace took care of her. Breathless, her lips parting. Poe’s name close to the edge of her tongue. Not in a way that made it the warning it needed to be. Biting her bottom lip to keep it in.

Wrong. It was wrong. Every second of her eyes on him, feeling the flush in places she hadn’t before, exposed every way she was vulnerable to him. But she was held in place by his dark brown eyes and the confusion on his face.

She fell onto her hands, pressed firmly to Jace’s chest. A silent request for him to take over that she never had to repeat. He shifted, lifting his hips to thrust into her, knocking her off balance. Her cries came out as a quiet, voiceless moan. Falling into his arms around her hips. Her anchor.

Not having to worry about Jace seeing Poe’s name written across her face between every moan he pulled from her lips. His eyes were closed because he knew her. Knew what she needed, and how she needed it. Giving her the space to work through whatever it was that had her climbing in his lap in her X-Wing.

She didn’t like to be watched when she was like this.

But the brown eyes she couldn’t pull herself away from were different. Something about him. Everything about him. From the ‘sweetheart’ in the hallway. A handful of tiny moments and the way he opened himself up to her rejection, over and over.

Every time their eyes met, he didn’t know what to do with himself. She could see it. The cocky confidence of the young commander fading out as he sat, stilled in his cockpit. Her captive. His eyes on her, like a slow waltz with the enemy. One foot in front of the other. She was the only one keeping count.

May let her guard down, sinking into Jace, holding Poe's eyes with hers. Giving into the pleasure and the dance.

Poe’s lips parted, his breath hitching as pleasure broke her control. Whatever Jace had done, she wasn’t able to keep her mask in place. Something like permission slipping into her gaze, replacing the mask. His heart hammering from the whiplash she gave him. The constant back and forth. Tearing his eyes away from her, he looked down at his hands, regaining control, before meeting her eyes through the windows once again.

His eyes were warm and heavy and soft all at once as he turned his gaze back to her. His expression struggling to remain unreadable, tension bleeding through. His eyes flicked down, away from the scene in the X-Wing. A moment of hesitation that one would see in someone with an honor code. He wanted to look away. She could see it written all over him, like notes from the pages of his book for her and her alone.

_ Curiosity? _

Jace picked her up and dropped her back down, jolting her slightly. She let her head fall back, a moan escaping her lips. Seeing Poe across the hanger had brought her back down, something Jace was fixing quickly. She wasn't a chauvinist; she didn't like an audience. But she had one. Complicated and nuanced. She would have gotten more information if it had been Poe between her legs.

_ Poe _ . The thought knocking her back. She looked over at him, wondering if he could see the flush in her cheeks and across her chest as she pictured him beneath her, his hands on her hips and his lips on her skin. Touching her in all the places Jace had his hands on.

_ Dameron doesn’t mix work with anything. _

Poe bit his bottom lip, containing any sounds he might have made. If she were with him… in his ship. If he could hear the way she moaned in his ear. His name. He shook his head, dropping his forehead into his hands and focusing his eyes on the floor.

His head vanished from her line of sight. He didn't sink out of view; he crumpled. She wasn't the one with the weakness. The longer he watched, the easier he was to read. It wasn't discomfort. Something else pulled him down.

She felt the heat pool between her legs as she neared her peak. She had her answer, and her distraction. Everything she climbed into her X-Wing to forget, melting away. One of her hands ran along Jace’s skin, up his neck and into his hair, pulling his head in close. He thrusted up, meeting her halfway in a delicate balance. If she closed her eyes, Jace became him, just for a second. Enough to push her over the edge.

"...oe..." The sound reverberating in the empty hanger.

Jace chuckled as she went limp in his arms. Breathing through the orgasm. "You good, baby?" He asked, holding her close.

"Better… I need to finish fixing my controls. You should go get some sleep." She said quietly, pulling herself off his lap and sliding her shirt back on. He pursed his lips but nodded, dressing quietly before standing up and pulling her into a hug. 

"Anything you need." He whispered against her hair, leaning back to look at her. A silent request to kiss her. 

"I’m good." She gave him a quick kiss. Final, almost dismissive. Not lingering long enough to be anything other than a curt parting.

Jace nodded softly, letting her go with a smile as he climbed out of her flyer.

"You know where to find me." He called, light concern still swimming in his warm blue eyes as he headed out.

She sank against her controls, fishing for her shorts as she watched him leave. Casting quick glances over at Poe's flyer as she tugged them in place. He was still out of sight, his roof closed.

The door closed, reverberating through the hanger. Poe poked his head back up as Jace left the hanger. His eyes found May's again and he smiled, startled at how shy he felt.

May bit her lip as she saw him smiling at her. A smile. She pulled her shorts on, hopping out of her X-Wing, and leaning against her fighter. Her gaze didn’t leave him. Shrugging her shoulders as he met her eyes, a sly smile on her lips as she turned around and climbed down.

The hiss of the top of his X-Wing lifting broke the silence. "See anything you like?" She called over her shoulder. The most relaxed she had been with him since Black had arrived.

“I might have to find Jace later.” He joked, rising to sit on the edge of his cockpit. Taking a few deep breaths, he tried to calm his racing heart.

“He’s taken, unfortunately.” She replied. Tightness in her chest at his comment that she could almost write off on her need to protect one of hers from the unknown that was Black.

“Like you and Sie?”

"Not exactly. We have history." Her eyes trailed over him, briefly. Struggling to wrap her head around what had passed in their silent exchange. Grasping at the calm, fiery composure she had before. The ice melted, leaving her an open flame that could be blown out.

Poe's eyebrows shot up. He grinned, "Seems like that's your story with a lot of people around here."

"I build relationships easy. Military is a small world." Short fragments, feigned control. Grateful that she was still flushed so he couldn't see the blush on her cheeks at his smile.

"It certainly is." Poe swung his legs out of his cockpit, dangling precariously over the side of his ship. "You gonna give me that ladder back so I can get down?"

"Been here a week and you're asking for favors already." She teased, gripping the ladder behind her. Something calming about teasing him, like she was settling into her old skin.

"Name your price."

"If I tell you now, you won't take the favor." Winking, she dragged the ladder over to his X-Wing, leaning it against the side.

His eyes darkened. Poe hopped out onto the platform, not bothering to close his ship up before scaling down. Stopping right in front of her, he leaned back against the ladder, attempting to seem casual. "Now what did I just agree to?"

"Some more recon missions, since you're all set up now. Give you something to do." Mischievous grin on her lips as she tugged the bottom one lightly with her teeth.

He laughed, face flushing slightly. "Yeah, I probably deserved that." His expression moved into something a little more genuine. "I'm sorry about the whole..." He gestured to her ship with his chin.

"Didn't stop me from getting off." Almost matching his tone, trying to brush off the heat that pooled between her hips or the fact that her gaze lingered on his lips no matter how many times she pulled it away.

Laughing a little awkwardly, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "We should probably head in... Are you staying at Tabelt's tonight?"

"That is where my clothes are at. Did you want to walk with me? Since we're going the same way." Casual shrug to play off the racing of her heart.

No one on her squad there to stop her from taking him up on going back to his room. One door over. The only thing standing between them, her thinning restraint.

He nodded, turning towards base. They were quiet for a while as they walked, in past the entrance to the mechs wing and command. "Does dating someone you're on a squad with make things... complicated?" he asked, "I just... I know there were rules against it. I guess that's another protocol thing Yavin doesn't follow?"

"I'm sure it would if the relationships were dramatic and complicated. Yavin's lax on a lot of protocols, but not all of them. The Admiral leaves it up to us to make the best judgement call for our squads. You're talking about Sie and I, aren't you."

"Yeah. I mean, it can be dangerous to fly with someone you're... involved with." Poe chewed on the inside of his cheek. Months earlier, the night Poe was promoted and given a squad, he'd had to make that choice. Either continue with their casual arrangement, or get the best captain he could possibly have asked for. 

His decision was obvious, given Kade's presence on his squad.

"Sie and I have been best friends since we were kids, before the military. Twelve years of friendship, rolling around in the sheets doesn't really change much. If we couldn't put the mission first, we wouldn't. That's not a problem we have." She shrugged.

He opened the door to the commander's wing for her, standing aside to let her pass. "I mean, if you make it work..."

“That almost sounds like concern, Commander.” She lingered a little too close to him as she passed him. Her arm brushing his. Stealing a sharp breath, so small it was barely noticeable.

He shrugged, “Rules are rules for a reason.”

“And some are meant to be broken.” She said. His dismissive shrug a reminder to keep her distance. They were strangers, and she was supposed to be watching him. 

Not  _ wanting _ him.

Her thumbs hooked in the waistband of her shorts, giving her the appearance of being relaxed. Her bandages pulling right around her fingers, a grounding pressure. Her guard slowly crept back up. “Let me know when you’re ready to pick up a few more recon missions. Out here, it’s basically all we do. Recon and transports.”

"Whenever you wanna drop 'em by, sweetheart." He took one last, long look at her, fighting the blush creeping up his neck, before murmuring, "Goodnight." and stepping into his room.

“Goodnight, flyboy.” She said. Meant to be passive, almost teasing. Coming out a little softer than she wanted it to. Grateful that his door was closing. Slipping back into Caleb’s room. Back pressed to the door.

Part of her wished that he’d stayed in the hallway. That they could have talked a little more. The conversation ending before she was ready to let him go.

Poe leaned back against his door, breathing heavily. She was involved with someone, and she’d just been fucking  _ someone else _ . His control shouldn’t -- couldn’t -- slip like this. Not again. “Shower.” he murmured, pushing himself off the wall and into the bathroom. 

May pulled her shirt off over her head, kicking off her shorts and sinking into the shower.  _ Poe Dameron. _ She couldn’t shake his eyes on her skin, watching her. His name on her lips as she came crashing down. 

One night stands and casual fucking were never going to be enough for her. She closed her eyes, her shoulders pressing into the cold shower wall as she turned the water on, waiting for it to heat up. She ran her fingers up her thigh, painting patterns into her skin.

A name. Three letters. She inched closer and closer with each pass. The water heated up quickly, filling the room with steam. Steam, and the sound of her voice as she pressed her fingers into her center. 

Eyes shut, head against the wall, she let out a soft moan. Her fingers made quick work of her, guiding her back up. This time, there was no Jace to break her out of her thoughts. She could picture Poe, between her legs on the mat. She could almost feel his hips between her legs. 

“Poe…” She moaned, her hands roaming her body. Touching every place she wanted him to explore. 

Poe shut off the water, standing there for a moment. An echo, coming through the wall. He wasn’t sure what he was hearing. A moan. His name.  _ May. _

He really was losing it if he thought he could hear her. As if she would be saying his name. But he couldn’t find it in himself to correct his overactive imagination. Sinking into it, eyes closing, head rolling back against the wall, he took himself in his hand, picturing her hands on him, working him up and down. His mind wandered to her mouth, her lip that always seemed to be between her teeth and her sea blue eyes, dark and heavy with lust. The way they locked onto his. The way they closed as she threw her head back, her lips parted.

“May.” He breathed her name, like a silent plea. 

She couldn’t hold herself up. May sank down the wall, her knees pressing into the tile floor, her mind in another shower. His shower. She rubbed small circles around her clit, each burst of pleasure sinking her deeper into the image of his body pressed against hers. His tongue between her lips. His hands where her fingers drew feverish and desperate circles, clamoring for release. 

“...Poe…” She cried out, reaching for the wall next to her to hold herself up.

He had been so close to picking her up and carrying her to his room. Her legs wrapped around his waist. Any wall, any surface, he didn’t care. As long as she was naked in his arms, screaming his name as he worshiped every inch of her. He wanted her on his bed, in his shirt. He could almost see it, her long legs crossed over the covers, her hair a curly mess of chestnut piled on top of her head. By the time they were done, her hair would be spread out over his pillows, her clothes in a heap on the floor, and her soft naked body quivering beneath him.

May arched her back, her eyes shut tight. “Commander!” she moaned as she came. 

“May.” It was more of a gasp than a scream but it felt like one. It felt like he was screaming her name. Little white dots of light blurred his vision as he spilled out onto his hand in the dark ensuite. He was panting, shaky, but more satisfied then he had been in a very long time.

He smiled as he cleaned himself up, not bothering to do much more than dry off as he stumbled to his bed, collapsing on top of the covers, his body tingling. As he drifted off to sleep, he mumbled, “Sweetheart.”


	8. Six Months Later

The training center felt like a desert planet rather than Yavin II. The dry air and heat meant no one in their right mind was training. Not this late in the day. Not in these conditions. 

Poe Dameron had never been accused of being in his right mind. 

Sohil, Black 4 and Poe’s training partner, clipped his jaw and he went down hard. Laughing, Poe put his hands behind his head and looked up at the man. “Are you trying to send me to the medbay before I get off-world?” 

“Sorry, Commander,” Sohil offered Poe his hand, smaller and more tan than Poe’s own, pulling him to his feet. “It’s been a while since we’ve actually spared.” 

Sohil was right. Poe had been taking missions offworld, most of them solo, some with Kade, doing recon for Leia. This would be the last one for a while. Aeos Prime. 

“So you’re going to knock me out for a choice the General made? I’ll be back to kicking your ass the moment I’m home. Promise.” Poe grinned, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. They trained whenever they could, an even match in build, though it wasn’t Sohil’s strong suit. Much easier than training with Maris, Aaron, or Kade, who towered over them both. “Nice shot. Really. Let’s go again.” 

“Don’t you have a briefing to get to?”

“I’ve got time. Come on.” Poe set his feet, waiting for Sohil to take the first swing. 

*

May laid on the bench in Els’ workshop, her knees bent and feet planted on the solid metal. “I don't see why I have to get stuck with him.” May groaned, mentally going over her summons. She should get moving, but she really didn't want to go. “Can’t I just stay?”

“You know, six months ago, you would have killed to get off Yavin, no matter who you were with.” Els said with a chuckle, pushing herself out from under a speeder. “Besides, it's Dameron. He’s not that bad.” 

“Six months ago I was benched and bored. I got all that out of my system on Hosnian Prime. And he’s fine until you're stuck on a mostly empty planet with just him and that damn droid and he starts running out of things to hit on.” May groaned, sitting up. “I just have a bad feeling about Aeos.”

Els came over and plopped down next to her sister. “Your bad feeling has nothing to do with Commander Dameron. I feel it too.” She knew Poe well, not that she would tell May that. Their friendship and the casual flirting that never seemed to go anywhere wasn’t something she wanted to broadcast. She cast a quick glance at his BB unit on the workstation and smiled.  _ Flyboy _ . “It won’t be so bad. There are worse ones to get stuck with. Trust me.”

“You would know, flyboy magnet.” May teased, elbowing her sister in the ribs lightly. “Time to face the music.” She groaned, heading out with a quick salute.

As she turned down the hallway to the briefing room, she caught the flash of orange and white that appeared at the end of the hall. Dark brown hair with tan skin and dark eyes.  _ Trouble _ . She wanted to roll her eyes, but she held back. They stopped outside the room, sizing each other up.

“Commander.” She said pointedly.

“Captain.” He replied, hoping his smile hid his nerves. Poe wasn’t sure how this mission was going to go. She was plenty talented -- not for a second did he worry about their success -- but lately she was all cold shoulders and very little else. 

“Ready to go?” he asked. 

She ignored him and pushed the door open, Poe walking in beside her. Leia stood at the table, a data pad sitting laying in front of her. "General Organa," May started. Poe had proven that he could finish a mission, but he was still an outsider. An outsider with a personality that was louder than his ego. A hotshot without boundaries. She wasn’t eager to get off world with him.

Leia fixed her with a look that told her whatever issues she had, to keep it to herself. There would be time later. Black was still their cover. 

"Captain.” She said warningly, fighting to keep her face grave and serious. “This is an important reconnaissance mission. As always, in and out, don’t get caught. We are not here to start a war.”

May leaned against the table, raising an eyebrow. “When have I ever thrown the first stone?”

“May.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Commander Dameron, you are our best pilot." May watched a pleased smile spread across his face, rolling her eyes. "May is our best everything else. Come back in one piece. Els has your gear. BB-8 has been loaded with the coordinates. May the Force be with you."

Poe nodded to the General, leading the way out of the control room. "Excited to finally get off Yavin?" he looked at her out of the corner of his eye as they headed out of command. 

His small talk was awkward and hesitant, almost like he was afraid of engaging her at all. That was encouraging. May looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I was off Yavin last week. But yeah, this is a nice break from actual work." She said, knowing that he had been stuck with recon only for months. She felt a smile tugging at her lips but ignored it.

Poe almost snorted, surprised but pleased that she was actually engaging him. "Right. 'cause this isn't actual work." he rolled his eyes, grinning.

"Nope. Consider it a vacation, Commander. Heard you've had a lot of these lately. Don't know why you need to be here for this one."

"What? You aren't looking forward to my company?" he winked at her, "You're spending the whole day with me, sweetheart. No sense being annoyed about it."

She turned to face him before they walked into the mech room. "It's just not the way I pictured spending a day with you." She said, winking back before turning into the room. May had avoided him for the last six months, watching from a distance. He was most comfortable when he was flirting and asked the fewest questions when he was comfortable. The fewer the questions, the quicker the mission would go.

He followed her into the room, his eyes lighting up as he saw Els at her workstation. "Hey hun. How's my droid?" 

BB-8 rammed into Poe's ankles, swearing and complaining of mistreatment while Els laughed, wiping grease off her hands. “He’s fine. Just as angry as usual.” 

“Good to see you too, buddy.” Poe leaned down, patting the droid’s head. “Thanks for doing that for me, Els. You know your hands are the only ones I trust.” he winked, “And, y’know, your droid work is good too.” Grinning as she flushed slightly, Poe felt a warmth in his chest, comparable only to a few memories he had with his team. The time he got to actually spend with her and their blossoming friendship meant more than he knew how to put into words. Plus, flirting with her and seeing that blush was certainly a perk of spending time in the shop. 

May rolled her eyes at her sister.  _ Flyboy magnet. _ It was difficult to figure out what was  _ flirting _ flirting and what was just his personality. Poe would flirt with a trash can if the damn thing moved. She idly wondered why he didn't hit on C-3PO more often. 

Aitha heard May and Poe, and tumbled out of a deconstructed A-Wing on the far side of the workshop. "Hey May." She said enthusiastically, tripping over her own two feet. Aitha and Els had clicked immediately when she arrived on Yavin. Both mechs and trouble. Els’s carbon copy from Hosnian. 

"Hey Aitha." Poe smiled as she tripped and then scrambled back to her workspace next to Els. He couldn't help but smile. She reminded him of an ewok, small and not even slightly intimidating. Poe leaned against the doorframe as she dug through her desk, casting his eyes sideways to May. He had seen excitement in her eyes before, but never the warmth he saw as she watched the two girls. 

Poe turned back to Aitha, giving her a big goofy grin. He reached up, rubbing some soot from her chin with his thumb. “Got a little somethin’.” he smiled, his eyes trailing lazily over her features. He wondered why a guy like Sohil hadn’t gotten her yet. It would have to be someone nice, someone as genuinely good as Aitha, and even then they wouldn’t deserve her.

May scowled at him as Aitha's cheeks flushed. She was old enough to make decisions for herself, and to chase after whatever halfwit boy smiled at her, but that didn’t mean May had to like her choices. Els generally took care of it herself, but Aitha was innocent. "If you're done." She said pointedly at Poe, earning a smirk as a response. He would be ruggedly handsome if he wasn't so cocky. "I'll be back by sunrise." She said to Els, her voice soft and warm. 

In the soft moments, it almost felt like they were home again. That 24 ABY never happened. That the whirlwind of pain and loss they went through for two years before it spit them out on Yavin to rebuild what was left of their family, missed them entirely. Home, like Tiff’k wasn’t gone… May shuddered, vaguely aware that no one noticed, running her fingers over the scar on her helmet clipped to her flight pants. 

Poe was staring at her, but she didn't look at him. When it came to Els, she didn't have his cockiness or bravado. She was all mush and fire, and very little in-between. "Let’s move, rookie." She said, giving Aitha a kiss on the forehead and Els a wink before she took off down the hall. 

"Rookie? Not my favourite out of the names you've given me." He tried not to be bothered by her undermining him in front of the mechs.

"Oh I'm sure there are plenty you'll get that'll make up for it." She was going to be stuck with him, she might as well have fun with it. Fun, that bordered on the edge she felt when she saw him watching her and Jace from his X-Wing months ago. She’d ignored it since then. She would ignore it now.

"Are any of those part of your ideal day with me? The one you've pictured so many times?" he lowered his voice as they left the building, "Laying in bed, hand over your mouth so you don't wake your bunkmate..." Flashing her a grin, "Am I close?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know." She laughed, turning around to face him while they walked. She felt the blush creep up her neck, taking a quick breath to get it under control.

"So you have thought about me. Maybe not in your room... you could get caught. The shower might be easier." He'd helped himself to his own fantasies under the running water a few times. Not that she needed to know that.

She turned around quickly, remembering the first week he was here. Her breath hitched slightly, grateful that her back was turned to him. "Sounds like you've been imagining your own perfect day. Anything I need to know, Commander?" her voice was even and quippy, hiding the rush.

He bit the inside of his cheek as his title rolled off her tongue, a reminder that this was a mission. Business. "Wouldn't you like to know." he echoed. They approached the ship they were taking to Aeos, an ancient Y-Wing. Poe grumbled under his breath, "Piece of junk. This thing is so slow, maybe you'll have time to show me in hyperspace."

May laughed, putting her foot up on the first step to get into the ship. "Would you rather take an X-Wing?" She paused on the first step, looking back at him.

"Well, that's one way to get you on top of me." He made a show of looking her up and down. At least when he was flirting with her, she’d make eye contact. That was more than he’d gotten in the weeks prior. "Let's take mine."

"Mine has more room.” She winked, ignoring his gaze and climbing into the cockpit of the Y-Wing. 

"You would know." He hadn't stopped seeing her eyes since the night he got stuck watching her and Jace. 

"As would you. Tell me, have you ever gone a round in an X-Wing before?" She hummed, not looking up at him as she settled in.

"Haven't. Yet."

She laughed, "Red 5 was converted from a two seater. You’d be surprised what I can do in her."

"Is that your only move, sweetheart?"

“I have a list, actually. Get on my good side and I might show you, sometime." As she stepped up, moving towards the front of the ship and the pilot’s seat.

He stood outside the ship, arms crossed. "If you think you're flying, you're out of your mind."

"If you think I’ll let you fly, you're equally crazy and this just won't work out, baby." She said, checking the controls.

"Get out of my seat, sweetheart. Your control issues don't change that I'm the best pilot in the Republic."

"When it’s a control thing, you’ll know. This was my old ship, before Red 5. You just can't fly her like I can." May said, watching his facial expressions closely. "But if it's such a problem for you, I'll move. I don't mind letting you do all the work." She drew out the end of that sentence, dragging her teeth across her bottom lip briefly, before standing up and sliding into the other seat, facing backwards. 

"If you're gonna keep teasing me like that, maybe you  _ should _ fly." He slid into the pilot's seat anyhow, pouring over the controls. They could hear BB-8 using the lift. The droid whistled as he settled into the astromech slot, his head wiggling back and forth as he looked down at May through the window in the roof. 

Poe could fly anything, but it had been a while since he'd been in front of anything this old. "How long did you fly this junk?"

She grinned at his response. He never missed a cue, and she liked that he wasn't entirely oblivious. Not that it was going anywhere. Maybe one day she would be interested in a casual fling, but she would make him earn that. "She's not junk and she was my first. So about 8 years. She's a lot like me: get her going and you won't want to stop." She usually turned off the innuendos on mission, so she gave into one last one before they got off the ground.

Poe laughed, "You're trouble." He was never quite sure what was going to come out of her mouth. 

"Oh, you have no idea." She laughed, strapping in. "All tied up and ready to go."

BB-8 made a comment she didn’t hear while she slipped her helmet on and Poe shushed the droid, smiling, "Just get us to Aeos Prime.” He primed the engines and got them up in the air. Over the trees of Yavin II, Poe was reminded of why he loved flying. He grinned to himself before pulling up without warning, achieving a moment of free-fall as BB-8 squealed. 

Through his headset, May’s voice came over crystal clear. “Leia said one piece, flyboy.” 

Poe smiled, taking the Y-Wing out of orbit and setting a course for Aeos Prime.

Once they settled into the blue light of hyperspace, Poe leaned back in his seat, wishing he could see her. "I've got a question for you."

"Go for it. You might not get a straight answer." She replied, leaning back in her seat.

"Why do I only get attitude from you in front of other people?" he flinched as the words came out of his mouth, a stark change from the playful banter on the tarmac. Shaking his head, he made a feeble attempt to get back there, "I mean, rookie was a bit low, don't you think?" 

May sat in silence. She didn't have a good answer for him, straight or not. This was  _ not _ how she wanted to start the mission. "Would you rather I say the things I want to say in private around everyone on the base?" Her voice was even, and low, unsure of how he would react to that when she wasn't teasing him.

He wanted to ask what that meant, what things she wanted to say when they were alone. Was that the teasing? The comments that always pushed it a little too far? Or something else? "A happy medium would be nice." He tried to keep his voice light, teasing her only a little. "But I'm sure you're only protecting your pristine reputation."

She laughed, breaking the awkward tension. "My reputation is almost worse than yours. Not that it bothers me."

"Ouch," he laughed, "Mine hasn't seemed to deter you."

"Yet." She said, trying to keep the smile out of her voice. "You got your question. My turn."

"Shoot." he trained his eyes on the roof of the ship, waiting.

"Why did you agree to come to Yavin?" She asked.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. That was much easier than most things she could have asked, "General Organa knew my parents. They flew in the Battle of Endor. I was going to refuse the transfer until I found out it was from Leia directly. I've always respected her. And from what my parents have said about her, if she wants me here, there's a reason."

May nodded slightly. "Same boat. My father loved Leia. Died for her." her voice was quiet.

"I'm sorry." he sighed, hand going to the chain around his neck. "My mom… same boat."

May reached down to her helmet, running her fingers over the gash. "I'm sorry." She didn't know what to say, even though she knew. She knew everything on his record before he set foot on Yavin. "I've lost two sets of parents in my life. It doesn't get easier."

"You've sure been through the ringer."

She laughed lightly, trying not to think about it. "The sun will still rise tomorrow." Her brow furrowed, Red's words rolling of her tongue without permission. "I've been fortunate to have what I have, given what I came from. I think it's your turn."

He thought back to his first conversation with Els, "A friend told me you were offered Commander after Dathomir. Why'd you turn it down?"

May gripped her straps until her knuckles turned white. "I wasn't in the landing party and you don't have clearance to ask that question, Commander." She said quietly, firmly.

Commander. She used his title rarely, and never like this before. He couldn't figure out why he wanted to push this one, but he murmured, "Off the record?"

"There is no off the record for this." She wasn't angry. She was cold, her stomach a hard knot.

"Alright. I won't ask again." He wasn't sure what to do, which line he crossed.

She felt the weight lift off her chest. "Hey flyboy." she said softly, the closest thing to gratitude that she could muster.

"Yeah?" he smiled, hoping she could hear it even though she couldn't see it.

"When we get back, maybe we can get started on that list of things I have to show you." She was deflecting and she knew it. She wanted to go back to Yavin, to the playful banter. This was the closest she could get, her stomach still tense.

If what she wanted was an easy conversation, he would give it to her. "Do I get a sneak peak of what I'm in for?"

"Maybe when we get there. We still have to get out of our flight suits and into our gear."

"Maybe let's save it for after the mission is done." he laughed lightly, "Wouldn't want to get distracted and get caught." He found himself reaching back to where she sat behind him, stopping his hand before she could notice. He wanted to touch her, to ground them both. To tell her that whatever happened on Dathomir, he was there to help her.

She heard him shift but her eyes were closed. "If that distracts you, missions with me are gonna be a challenge." She said, the moment passing quickly. It would linger in her mind the way Dathomir always did.

"Let's hope we get more than a day trip next time, then."

She smiled. "I wouldn't mind that."

They dropped out of hyperspace, the blue light fading from May’s view. She turned her head to catch a glimpse of the planet they were sent to. Aeos Prime was all blue and green. Lakes pocketed the surface, the rest dense forest. It was beautiful, the kind of place that she would love to get lost in. "Poe.” May said as they banked in the upper atmosphere. “I’m not seeing anywhere to touch down.” 

"That’s why I’m flying, sweetheart. We've gotta set down near the water so we can cover the ship." BB-8 whistled his disappointment at the idea of water. “You aren’t coming with us, buddy. Not unless Els taught you how to swim while I was gone.”

May laughed, letting him have the moment. It wouldn’t last long. 

They touched down under the cover of the trees off the edge of a crystal lake. May hopped out, her gear in tow, landing lightly on the rocky ground. "Where's my wetsuit?" She asked, dumping her stuff on the ground.

A black suit flew out of the cockpit, his face appearing over the edge, grinning down at her. She frowned, unamused, as she scooped it up and started unbuckling her flight suit. "You know what, I take back what I said earlier. You have to earn that list." The orange and white gear came off easy, rolling down to her hips. The compression suit underneath was like a second skin, exposing everything. She was grateful for the black color; it hid the details of her body and all the scars from her close calls. 

"Your loss." He replied, disappearing back into the cockpit.

"You won’t be saying that when you earn it." She grinned.

There was shuffling inside the Y-Wing and Poe hopped down next to her. "Are you gonna tell me how I earn that?"

She smiled at him, bending over to roll her flight suit off her legs. "Nope." 

"Very helpful, sweetheart." Poe dragged his gaze away from her body. If it was Els, or really anyone else, a flip comment about how unfortunately baggy her flight suit is would suffice, but he held back. 

"Not here to be helpful. I'm here to do this mission." She said, zipping into the wetsuit. "The rest is extra." The wetsuit was plain black, to blend into the dark stone and shade of the trees. It had clips for a belt, and had emergency packs already in place. May began to take mental stock of what was available. They had a fire starter, waterproof datapad, ration packs, a med kit -- which she would try to not need -- and oxygen masks. She tossed her flight gear back into the Y-Wing before stopping to watch Poe go through the same process.

If she let him, he would be far more fun than Jace. He wasn’t a small bear, more her size. Toned arms, broad shoulders. He was attractive enough that she could see herself taking full advantage of the next opportunity. She pushed the thought away, trying to shake the nights she had spent with his name on her lips. He was still a stranger to her, and she was not one to get attached to her one night stands. It was all this could be to her.

He left his compression pants and tank top on, squeezing into the tight black wetsuit. The gaskets pinched at his ankles, wrists, and neck, but it wasn’t unbearably uncomfortable. Poe waited for BB-8 to roll over to him and handed the droid the disk from Leia. The little guy projected a map of the area and then zoomed in, focusing on the waterways and underground passages. "All of the lakes are connected. Part of the reason they're so clear. So... it looks like we should be able to get into the sewers here." He gestured to a section of the larger lake right near the large warehouse. Their target. "We can find somewhere to ditch the masks, and then go from there."

May nodded, looking over the map closely. "Try to keep up." She said with a smirk. Their eyes met, and she thought she saw a glimmer of softness pass through his. She shook it off. Her mask fit snuggly, fully covering her face, and she waited at the water’s edge for him to join her. 

He shouldered his pack and dove into the water, using his fins to splash her as he submerged. Swimming down to the bottom of the lake, he twisted among the reeds and engaged his comm. "May? You copy?" 

The mask would take some getting used to. He’d had a smaller one as a child that covered his eyes and nose but left his mouth exposed. Never one that covered his whole face like this. Twisting his head, he shifted the mask on his face. A small amount of water leaked in, quickly expelled by whatever tech the device was equipped with. 

He’d have to ask Els when they got home. 

May didn't answer as she crept up behind him, gliding through the water. "What's up, flyboy?" She said as she passed him. 

Poe watched as she swam. She had the same look on her face from the mech workroom, when they were with Els and Aitha. “I’m not gonna lose that nickname, am I?” She shook her head at him, kicking off the bottom and swimming ahead of him. "BB-8?" Poe checked, smiling when his droid responded, "Alrighty. Our trackers are good?" The droid confirmed what Poe had hoped. All the gear was in order. “Let’s go, then." Poe followed the bottom of the lake down, down, until he could feel the chill of the water through his suit. May was waiting at the mouth of the first underwater cavern. She allowed him to pass her, and the two of them began the trek to the warehouse. 

May cursed under her breath. Her joints started locking up as the cavern twisted deeper down. She kicked off the wall, trying to shake off the cold. "After this, you and I are taking a pit stop on one of those desert junk planets." May grumbled. The tunnel was dark, making it hard to see Poe, but she heard what sounded like a soft chuckle through the comms. 

“Who says I’m coming with you?” Poe hoped she could hear his smile.

His response distracted her from the cold, if only momentarily. "Because," She said, pulling herself up on a ledge and continuing through a tunnel too narrow to really swim through. "It’s fucking cold and I wouls really like to lay out in the sand somewhere." she said, "How about you? If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?"

He paused, swimming ahead a little ways before answering, "I don't know. I've never really had a choice, so I guess I just don't think about it." He'd been flying for the Republic his whole life. It's not like he took vacation days.

"I didn't really have a choice either." She said quietly. "But it's nice to think about it." Something about the vulnerability in his attempted casual reply felt warm on her cheeks. Like a shared moment. They didn’t follow the same path, but somehow ended up with the same restrictions. She’d been plenty of places, but rarely ones she got to choose. Wherever the Resistance sent her, she went.

"Do you have a planet in mind? If you could get away." 

His question took her walls down for a moment, finding a light teasing tone that could have been friendship, more genuine than she had given him in the last six months. "If I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind hyperspace with you."

He chuckled, "So you've decided I deserve that now?"

"I've decided that it would be warmer than the bottom of this lake and I wouldn't mind taking you for a spin." He couldn’t hear the wink in her voice but it was there. Her deflection was not really a deflection until the moment passed.

"I think we talked about distractions on missions." A reminder, more for himself, to stay on task.

"Look." May stopped, pointing to a pipe that emerged from a tunnel. "That's a water intake line. Which means there should be a maintenance hub with open circuitry I can hack for data. Since this is a Republic base, the systems should be integrated. " May said, ignoring BB-8's protests and swimming down to it.

"Hey. Hold up. Why would this be a Republic base?" He followed her down.

"Need to know, flyboy." 

"I'm not just a pretty face, y'know." He swam to her, trying to read her. She had a look in her eyes he couldn't place. "What's going on? Why are we spying on ourselves?"

"Nothing. Just a hunch." She said, shrugging it off.

He could be an asshole, call her off and tell her that they were going to stick to the plan. But the look in her eyes, her tone, the way she seemed to know what was going on, even when he had no idea, made him want to follow her. 

Part of him wanted to trust her. 

Before he could question it and talk himself down, he nodded, “Alright. Let’s go, then.” 

"Down there, on the right." May said, turning towards it, popping the hatch and dropping down into the transfer chamber, waiting for the pumps to clear it of water. "Hubs like these are left unmanned. They are really just meant for maintenance. No one will know we are here, and I can deal with the sensors." Popping the panel inside the airlock and bypassing the security. 

The second the water cleared, the door beneath them opened, giving them access to the room below. May popped off her mask with a satisfied smirk. "No more swimming." 

The inside of the hub was small and dark. The walls were damp. She stepped out onto the ledge and found the ladder leading to the room below where a large pipe laid like it was waiting for them.

“Well, this will be interesting.” BB-8 made some comment about how they had made a stupid decision -- a few choice words of the droid’s making Poe and May laugh. “Lead the way, Captain.” Poe gestured grandly, keeping his voice quiet.

May stared at Poe, unsure of what to think. The mask obscured most of his face, but she thought she could see a smile in the corners of his eyes. She turned to the wall near the tunnel where a set of smaller pipes split off and went up into the panel. It was tough to get open but gave into her persistence. She could feel Poe waiting patiently behind her. 

The wiring behind the panel was old, half tied in with new wiring. This system was preexisting, not something that the First Order built, but that they took over. “Hunch confirmed.” Republic hardware with unfamiliar wiring tied in. 

"So, this  _ is _ a Republic base." He didn't have to ask. She seemed so comfortable with the system, it had to be something she had seen before. "Why are we investigating ourselves?"

"We are investigating the part of the Republic that isn't following all the rules. This is our hardware, but  _ this- _ ” She pointed to a black box that was tied into the rest of the wires. “Is not."

"Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?"

"Because it's need-to-know. Why do you think Leia sent me?"

"There's two of us here, sweetheart. We both need to know what's going on if we're going to get what we need."

May laughed, stepping in closer to him. "Information gets people killed. Not the other way around,  _ sweetheart _ ."

"You people sure do have a different way of doing things." he muttered.

"Oh, you have no idea." She turned back to the panel. Flirting was fine, until it came to the mission. He wasn’t someone she was willing to risk the Resistance for. "If you can't handle it, that’s fine."

"No one is saying I can't handle it. Some heads up would be nice."

"We’ll see when we get out of here. If you can handle me, you will be just fine."

The cold had worked its way into her bones, making her fingers numb and her joints protest any movement. She was clumsy with the wires, zapping herself over and over trying to get the sensors knocked out. Another zap. "Fuck. I’m gonna trip something like this." She grumbled, more to herself than Poe. She started to rub her hands together, trying to get some heat into her fingers to get them working. 

“Here,” Poe pulled his mask off and grabbed her hands in his own, gently breathing on them to warm them up. 

May was grateful for the cold at that moment. It kept her cheeks from flushing. Poe's hands were warm and rough as they covered hers completely. 

He looked up at her face, unable to read her expression. “Better?” He asked, pulling away after a moment.

She fought the involuntary whimper when he let go, forcing her face into a mask to hide the softness creeping into her features. She was swaying on the inside, hard. Poe was a ledge and she was creeping towards it. She thought of Els, the way she had flushed. May got that now. But this was a mission, and he was a flyboy, and there were a thousand reasons to turn back to the panel and keep going. 

So she did. 

"Yeah, thanks." She had to remind herself to breathe. In and out. He was close behind her, watching her work. It took all her concentration to block him out and finish the task at hand. When the panel powered down, she all but ran to the ladder that would lead them out and back into the lake. "Done. Let’s go." She said, her tone even and unaffected. She would sort her shit out later, after the mission. 

Above them, the service hatch groaned open. May froze, her eyes going wide, looking at Poe. “Fuck.” They said in unison. 

“Into the pipe.” May flipped the service entrance open. Poe scrambled after her and they dropped down into the flowing water. The current pushed them together as they hung on the inside of the hatch, banging into one another, trying to hold still.

“Well, that was fucking genius.” Poe said sarcastically. 

“We have to find another hub. Down the line. That droid is going to figure out that someone tampered with the systems. It will take them some time to undo it but it doesn’t matter. The system will reset in thirty. If we are in this pipe, they will know we are here. We have to get out, now.”

“Alright, Cap. This was your brilliant idea. How are we getting out of this?” 

“We can’t fight the current. Let’s swim towards the base, there should be another outlet before the building. Maybe around the shutoff.” May said, untangling herself from him. They were almost nose to nose, the only light around them emanating from inside the masks. It made his eyes dark and deep, the way they had been that night she opened Caleb’s door to him in the hall. When he had looked at her like she was going to be the first notch on his bedpost. The thought made her breath catch in her throat.

“And if there isn’t one?”

“We make one.”

Poe followed closely, swimming single-file behind her and keeping a hand on the bottom of the pipe. His eyes stayed glued to the back of May’s head, following her pace through the water. “This might have been a bad idea.” Poe regretted saying as BB-8 screamed in his ear, “Yeah, okay. You were right. Now shush.”

They swam in silence for a while, the quiet between them broken only by their occasional deep breaths. Coasting with the current.

“Is it just me, or is this pipe getting smaller?” Poe asked when he realized he couldn’t see over May’s head anymore.

"They do that. That's how we know we’re getting close. This much water must be cooling a generator of some sort." She replied over the comms. BB-8's shrill protest made her roll her eyes. The first gate came up quickly, the pipe on the other side reducing in size drastically. "The shutoff is ahead." 

"Just for the record, we are never following your alternate route ever again." Poe had to duck his face fully underwater to avoid scraping his head on the ceiling as he swam. "Not ever happening."

The pipe got smaller. "Shit. Well, flyboy. It’s gonna be tight. Keep your eyes on the mission and off my ass, please." May said, breaking the latch on a gate just before the shutoff and peeking back at her partner. Farther down the tunnel she wouldn't be able to see his reactions, subtle as they were. Chocolate brown eyes she couldn’t read looked back at her.

"That's gonna be difficult," he swallowed, throat tight and teasing tone escaping him, "But I'll do my best."

May didn’t know why that comment made her heart flutter. A warm fuzzy feeling ran down her spine. She could hear something in his voice that made it hard to focus as she pulled herself through the opening and into the smaller pipe. She swam up a little ways, slowly and steadily until she could see the shutoff. No service hatch.“We’ve got a problem.” She said through gritted teeth, the warm fuzzy feeling gone. “The hatch is on the other side of the shutoff.”

"Fuck." Poe leaned forward, going almost fully underwater.

“Time to blow shit up, then run. It’s gonna dump us in the lake.” She said. “Move back towards the gate. You’ll have to pull me back.” May said, pulling an underwater grenade off her belt. “Ready?”

“Uh, no?” Poe tapped her hip twice, opening his hand and motioning for her to give him the grenade, “Hand it over, hot shot.”

May couldn’t see him, but she could feel his hand tap her again. She grinned, “Get ready, flyboy.” 

"Nope," He grabbed her above the knee, keeping her from moving any further. "Not kidding, May. Give me the fucking bomb."

“And how exactly are you going to get past me to throw the damn thing? Pipe is small. Time is running out. We don't have a lot of options here, Dameron.” She wished she could see him. “Poe,” She said calmly. It was hard to focus with his hand on her thigh, firm but soft. “I can do this. You’ve got my back.”

Poe closed his eyes, just for a moment. It didn’t matter how much he hated the idea. She was right. They didn’t have another choice. "Fine. Okay." He slid his hand down her calf to her ankle, letting her swim forward.

Her skin was frozen from the icy water, but where his hand slid along her leg, she was on fire. She raised the grenade out in front of her. It was small and controlled; she hoped the damage would be minimal. "One... two...." She released the pin and threw it with everything she had.

Poe pulled hard on her ankle, yanking her through the gate and into his arms as the bomb went off. Twisting in the water, he put himself between her and the blast, cradling her head with his hand. 

The water pouring in from the lake rushed over them both. 

Poe wedged his heels into the sides of the pipe, clinging to May to keep them from being pushed back the way they came. 

May was grateful that sound didn't travel in water the way it did on land. The shockwaves ripped through the pipe, Poe taking the brunt of it. He pressed his body to hers, warmer than the water from the blast. It took her a moment to get her bearings, the sudden movement leaving her spinning.

When the current levelled to a slow stream, Poe grabbed her chin under the seal of her mask, tilting her face up to look at him. “You’re okay?”

May could see Poe's face, swimming in the water that was quickly filling her broken mask. Her eyes grew wide. Her mask was cracked, water streaming through three different points in the spiderweb of glass. 

She had minutes before she drowned. Maybe less. 

Panic set in, but Poe was moving. He tucked her in closer, one arm holding her tight to his chest. "Don’t panic. I’ve got you. Conserve the air you have." He said over her comms that were sputtering out from the water that filled her mask. The converter whined as it died. There was a single air pocket left and she breathed it in, holding it. She didn't see the opening in the pipe, but suddenly Poe was pushing her through the gaping hole and out into the lake. 

The lake was deep. Really deep. Poe looked up, realizing that there was no way to get to the surface before she drowned. Her eyes were open, wide and unseeing, filled with panic that mirrored the twist of his gut. 

If he took a breath right then, he could give her his mask… but it wouldn’t reseal underwater.

May couldn't see him anymore, just a fuzzy hazy blue all around her. It was getting hard to focus. Her lungs burned, a feeling that she had had before. Just once, where she had no control. She was so young, she didn’t know how to accept it then. 

There was no right way to die. 

Peace washed over her, sinking into her bones. She had spent so much of her life fighting those demons, the black cloaked raiders with no faces that crushed her throat and left her for dead. She could see them in the water, as clear as they were the night she died. There was no fear, not anymore. They blurred the closer they got. Hands grabbed her, her vision going black. She felt her mask tear away. This was it. 

There was no fighting them this time.

An air bubble slipping through her dying lips. Iron around his heart. 

He slid his mask up, enough to free his breath, to give it to her. To give her all of him. He pulled her close, lips against lips.

Begging.

Small hands on his chest, her lips parted. Air passed between lungs, shared life on the lake floor. He held her tight against him, letting her take another breath. In through his nose, out through his mouth. Into her. 

And then another. Not breaking their hold on each other. Another. Her tongue touched his, lightly. An accident, just like this. Another. She was moving, coming back around. She tasted like fruit and fresh water. Another. He kicked lightly, pulling her up to the surface, legs brushing against his. 

Another. She turned her head, arms around his neck. Deepening the kiss. 

Another. The surface came into view. She pulled away. He reached for her. Lips cold from where hers had been. His hands on her waist, not letting her leave.

Not yet.

They broke the surface, light flooding her vision. Reality crashing back in. She looked around, at the lake, where she was, taking deep gasping breaths. She could still taste his tongue against hers, his breath in her lungs. 

He pushed her hair from her face, looping an arm around her waist as he kicked, keeping them afloat. “You’re okay. Don’t fight. I’ve got you.” Her eyes were open. The icy fingers around his heart relaxed, giving him space to breathe for himself. 

She was alright. Alive. 

As she relaxed slightly in his arms, he asked, "You can swim?" She nodded, still in a haze. 

She was so close. It was right there. Peace. All she had to do was breath in, at the bottom of the lake. There would be no more nightmares, no more pain. The world would move on without her stolen moments. She felt as if she had cheated death all over again, escaping to the surface when she was meant to remain at the bottom.

"If they noticed that, this place is going to be swarming with droids. We have to move." She choked out.

He resealed his mask, letting it fully clear of water before ducking back under, and headed for land. Poe stayed below the surface but not letting May out of arm’s reach. It would be less likely that they would spot just one person, rather than two. 

They reached the bank, wading through the reeds to reach solid ground. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the trees, far enough that they couldn’t see the water. 

Wordlessly, he held her jaw with one hand, running the fingers of the other back and forth, around her skull, down the back of her neck. 

No blood. No shrapnel. 

He pulled off his mask, chucking it into the brush. “Don’t ever do that again.” It took all he had to not scream at her. “Every part of that plan was fucking stupid and if you  _ ever _ pull shit like that again on my watch, I will have your ass demoted so quick it’ll make your head spin. I have half a mind to head back to the ship and leave this rock without the information we came for, and I would if Leia wasn’t going to skin me the second we got back.” He took a deep breath and looked at her. No snarky response. No sass. Just labored breathing and a flushed face that mirrored his own. “Never again. Clear?” 

"Yes, Commander." She could feel the rage that radiated off of him, but it wasn't just anger. It had an edge that almost looked like fear. Genuine fear. Fueling his fire. "It was stupid, but we got what we came for." May lifted her wrist, where a small datachip hung from a loop in her suit. Her smile was small and shaky, not reaching her eyes.

_ Lock it down, Red. _

Poe put his face in his hands. Every conversation gave him whiplash. Between the title and her constant arguing, he wasn't quite sure how to deal with her.  _ Of course Leia would stick me on a mission with the most difficult person on the face of the earth. _

"This should be all the schematics and layouts for the base and any integrated systems." She resisted the urge to step closer to him for warmth. The cold was starting to get to her, even through the wetsuit. “Now I just need to get in and pull the operation data. And I just stole the keys to the palace.”

“When… I thought…” He stared at her, his anger gone. It was closer to annoyance that he didn’t see her steal anything. Poe sighed, hands falling to his sides. 

"You’ve never worked with a hacker before, have you?" She laughed at his expression, "If you saw me downloading all that, I wouldn’t be very good at my job. Not being seen is kinda a part of it. Now if I don't get warm, it won’t matter. You’re not cracking this without me." firmly wrapping her arms around herself to preserve what warmth she could.

Poe retrieved his mask from the bushes and put it on. “BB-8? We’re good. Yeah, it’s fine. Relax. Look, I need you to disconnect May’s mask from the comms and I need you to find us a... something. Somewhere we can hide for a couple of hours.” After yelling at Poe, BB-8 instructed them to follow the water. There was a cliff with a series of caves that they should be able to reach if they moved quickly.

The cave was nestled into the cliffs behind the falls, facing away from the compound. It looked like it had been hollowed out by a river that was now just a trickling waterfall. Climbing up to the one closest to the ground, they ducked under the stream. 

Luckily, the cave was a dead end. No droids to sneak up on them in the middle of the night, but no escape if they found them. BB-8 flew the Y-Wing up into the clouds, promising to keep a consistent scan of the area going. Perks of working with someone that didn’t need to sleep, as far as Poe was concerned. 

In the relative safety of the cave, Poe felt like he could collapse. 

“Take that off.” he grunted, watching May shiver. “You’ll never get warm if you keep the wetsuit on.” 

May met his gaze briefly before turning away. She wasn’t in a place where she could let her mind drift. The explosion in the lake had dragged her back in time to a place she wanted to forget. She focused on getting out of her wetsuit, letting it fall into a pile on the ground. Her hands shook still, her mask of shock sliding back into place as she tried to process everything that had happened. 

It was too much all at once. 

The feeling in her chest when she accepted death. The edge it left. His hands on her body, her face, his lips pressed against hers. The taste of him that lingered on her tongue. This wasn’t the first time she had almost died, but it felt real, the way the rest never had before. Real, like there was something to lose this time.

BB-8 came through the comm link. Four guards had shown up on the bank near the explosion, sending droids into the water, most likely to investigate the damage. Four guards, and mech droids to fix the damage. Not a small army. She could pull it together long enough to get through that, and then back to Yavin. She could go in the night. Poe would never know and he would wake up to all of this being a bad memory. 

“Alright. We’ll stay here until tomorrow. Reevaluate then. If you can get a secure message to Leia, let her know this is going to take longer than expected.” Poe replied to BB-8, not looking over at May who was curled up on the cave floor, her eyes staring out into the distance, not seeing anything.

Poe’s arms felt like lead. He couldn’t quite get his hands to close without being in pain, making the task of gripping the zipper on his wetsuit near-impossible. And he couldn’t ask her for help. There was a wall between them that hadn’t existed before the pipe. She was closed off, every inch of her body curled away from him. His gaze flicked to her with every attempt to get the wetsuit off, despite his best efforts to give her the space she wasn’t asking for but needed.

May caught his gaze as she came around, her mind halfway through planning the rest of her night, keeping her moving and busy. Too busy to think about all the questions she didn’t have the answers for. She rose from the ground, crossing the space without telling her body to move. “Let me.” She whispered, reaching out for the back of his wetsuit.

"Thank you." he mumbled, letting his arms drop to his sides. She was close, and warm, and he couldn't find it in himself to be angry at her anymore. "Are you-- You're okay?"

She didn't have an answer so she stayed silent, not engaging him, forcing the ice that melted in her heart at the feel of his skin under her hands to freeze again. She worked the wetsuit off over his head and came to stand in front of him as she pulled it gently down his arms. Breath catching in her throat as she took in the long lines of the black and blue bruises. Her hands still trembled as she worked, despite the control she had regained. The itch to run them over the marks and make them go away, burning away at her edges.

Poe let her, his lips parting as he watched her. The concentration in her face, the way her hands shook... he freed his from the wrist gaskets and took hers in his own. 

She felt the nausea in her stomach long before her eyes fluttered shut and her teeth sunk into the inside of her lip, struggling to keep the ice. His hands on hers. Skin to skin. She pulled back quickly, wanting to cry at the loss but keeping it in. "If you're good, I'm going to get working on the data." Her voice was cold and even, the only thing about her that was in control.

He nodded, flinching inwardly. The feeling from the Y-Wing was back in full force, confusion at his own actions, wishing he could take back the last twenty seconds, and want, settled in his gut, as he gazed at May.

"Are you okay?" she breathed, needing the answer before she could walk away. There was something in his eyes when he looked at her that kept her rooted to the spot.

"Yeah." he swallowed, his gaze shifting to the floor. "You?"

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second, before turning away and walking over to her gear, pulling out the emergency pack from her suit and getting a fire starter out and a shock blanket. She held out the fire starter to him, fighting to keep her tone even. "Will you start the fire?" Her eyes met his, softening for a moment. “Please.” Her voice wasn’t cold like before, but warm and a little bit broken. Emotion seeping through the cracks.

"Whatever you want." The words were out of his mouth before he could think about the implication, tone void of any of the flirting and teasing from before. Before the pipe. Before the lake.

Her breath hitched at his words, his tone, the look in his eyes. She could see right through him, every scar and fear and need and want. He meant it. Anything she wanted. It threw her off for a second, her gaze falling to the floor as she handed the fire starter off to him, careful not to touch his skin. Part of her wanted to feel his touch just one more time. Fear held her back. 

She sank down onto the ground beside her gear. "Thanks."

He got to work, not looking at her as he asked, "You didn't answer me. Are you okay?" The small device -- no bigger than his fist -- caught fire, radiating smokeless warmth into the space.

She pulled her datapad out, fiddling with it between her hands, not looking up. "We have a mission to finish."

"May," he leaned back against the wall of the cave, looking at her carefully.

"Don't." She met his eyes, trying and failing to put walls between them. Before he saw her. "I'll be fine. Always am."

Poe slid down the wall beside her, watching her work on the data. She relaxed a little, feeling him next to her, even though she couldn’t look at him. Sighing, “Fuck.” she shifted closer, curling and uncurling her fingers, stiff from the cold.

He held his hands out this time, asking. Waiting for her to decide.

An open invitation. Like his heart, opened up for her to read. She set her hands in his tentatively, the pads of her fingers bushing his palm. 

He couldn't look her in the eyes as he worked on warming her hands. Lips barely brushing her skin, he waited until the distinct chill had faded before letting her go and sitting back, not once focusing on her face.

“Poe...” she mumbled, her hands reaching for him the second he let go, not wanting it to end.

Swallowing, "Yeah?" he didn't move, eyes flitting over her.

“Can we...” she asked, not really sure what she wanted, her hand still reaching for his.

He shuffled closer to her, taking her hand again. "Still cold?"

She shook her head, dropping her gaze. Skin to skin. Needing it. Needing him to keep her grounded. There weren’t words for it that would make him understand. She twisted her hands together, shifting next to him until her leg brushed up against his. “‘m sorry.” she whispered.

"Nothing to be sorry for." he shifted his body, opening his arms. An offer. For her to move closer. They were cold. That's all this was. They were cold and she needed to work and body heat was the way to warm them both. 

Every time he looked at her, he could feel her lips.

She moved into his open arms. Every moment of it was wrong, but she couldn’t stop herself from needing him. It would have been Caleb if he had been there. 

She also knew that was a lie. 

Poe wasn’t like Caleb. This wasn’t like it was with her brother. Everywhere their skin touched, she felt like she was on fire. All she wanted was to burn.

“You should sleep.” She whispered, shutting her eyes and burying her face in his chest. Her words pushed him away even as she drew herself in closer.

"So should you." He brought a hand to the back of her head, fingers in her hair, ignoring how his shoulders protested at the movement.

She jumped a little bit when he touched her head, feeling the blush that crept up her neck. If they didn’t stop, she was going to fall asleep in his arms. May forced herself to sit up, still in his arms, his hand still tangled in her hair as her gaze met his. “I need to get this data sorted. The sooner I do...”  _ the sooner this ends. _

"You had quite the day." He tried to smile. "Sleep. I know you're good, but even the best miss stuff when they're tired." Poe bit the inside of his cheek, trying, and failing, to keep his eyes on hers. He faltered as he glanced at her lips, sitting back slightly but not letting her go.

She tried to untangle herself, one hand reaching for the datapad like the reality that was just out of grasp. "If I crack it, you can go home." 

He ached at her words, wishing they could stay in this cave, in each other's arms, just a little longer. "If that's what you want." He turned away from her and towards the fire.

May hesitated as the warmth of his arms vanished. It shouldn't hurt, but it did. No matter what happened, everything had to end here. They were two galaxies, passing silently in the night, and nothing more. She shouldn't want more.

"Can I sit with you while I work?" her eyes were fixed on the datapad in front of her, not really sure what he would do with her request. Grappling for the dream she just woke up from.

He murmured, "Of course."

May shifted up on her knees and moved in front of him, touching his arm lightly with her free hand. Silently asking for permission. He leaned back, opening up to her. Her gaze met his briefly, before she turned and sat down between his legs, her back to his chest. "Thank you." She murmured, tucking her knees in and setting the datapad on them.

She was warm, comfortably so, pressed against him. He hoped that she couldn’t feel his heart hammering in his chest. Poe wanted to duck his head, kiss her shoulder, her neck, up to her ear, his hands under her shirt. 

He settled for wrapping an arm around her and asking, “Can I watch you work?” leaning his chin on her shoulder.

She laughed, leaning her head against his lightly, feeling his stubble on her cheek, "Gonna be hard to keep it from you like this."

"If you asked me not to look, I wouldn't." he smiled.

May closed her eyes, feeling his heart beating in his chest. His breath on her skin. She relaxed, smiling as her eyes fluttered open. "Yes, you can watch me. Have you ever worked with data before?"

He shook his head, "Not since the Academy. Once I pass the chips off, it's someone else's issue." Shrugging, "I do my job. Let other people do theirs."

She hummed, opening the first set of files and starting on the decryption. "This is probably going to be super boring to watch, flyboy."

He grinned at the nickname, asking, "Can you talk and work?"

"Course."

"Explain what you're doing? I don't need details... step by step. Maybe. If you want."

A small giggle escaped her lips and she pulled away enough so she could turn to look at him. His face was so close to hers. She wanted to reach up and touch his cheek, but she held back. "Can we talk about something other than hacking?" The datapad beeped, and she absentmindedly set up the next algorithm to try and break the walls between her and their goal, her eyes not leaving his.

“Have something in mind?” he cocked his head.

"Anything. Your call. This stuff kinda runs itself." She held up the datapad so he could see the sequences flying across the screen, trying dozens of codes to break it.

"How long have you been on Yavin?" He figured that one would be safe. Definitely safer than asking about Dathomir.

“Two years. Give or take.” She answered, settling back into his arms, facing forward. “It doesn’t feel like it though. I spend so much time off-world.”

"Tabelt does like to keep you guys busy."

“He doesn’t really get a say. I tend to get voluntold. A lot. More than the rest of Red.” She bit her lip to stop her rambling. The warmth in her chest from their conversation, his arms around her, his chest on her back, his stubble on her cheek as they returned to the position they were in before, made her want to open up. Just a little. The way they had in hyperspace. “My turn?”

"Your turn."

“The ring you wear around your neck?” She asked, thumbing through the first files as they opened, setting the next up to be decrypted.

He laughed lightly, unable to hide his surprise. "Yeah?"

“Whose is it? I haven’t seen you without it.”

"Most people don't know it's a ring. I don't remember the last time I took it off." He pulled on the chain, tugging it out of his shirt and setting the band in his palm. "It was my mother’s."

May smiled, turning so she could rest her head against his collarbone and look at his open palm, the little metal ring laying in the center. She reached out, tracing the band with her finger. “The sun will rise.” She mumbled, more to herself than him. A band. A gash in a helmet. They hurt just the same.

"What?"

"Hm?" She pulled her hand away quickly, his question jerking her out of her out of her thoughts.

"The sun will rise?" He repeated her words.

She bit her lip, turning away from him. "'s nothing." The datapad beeped, and she moved to the next folder. There were enough folders to keep her up for the night.

He wasn't sure he should push. It never worked before. He wasn't sure why he thought it would now. "It's not nothing." he paused, "But okay."

She closed her eyes, setting the datapad down on her lap and reached for his hand. He let her take it, turning it over and tracing patterns on his palm as she talked. "It's something my father used to say. Every night. I would wake up and he would be there..." She faltered, falling quiet. It was hard to explain to someone who couldn't have the whole story. It wasn't her story to tell anymore. "When they are gone, we hold onto what we can. Even if it's just the memories."

He tucked his ring back into his shirt, sighing, "It's all we've got."

She yawned, nestling back into his chest again, her eyes fluttering closed. "We should really get some sleep." She mumbled, picking up her datapad and trying to force her eyes open to look at it. Three folders down, seven to go.

He took it out of her hands, tossing it gently into the pile of their wetsuits. "Sleep, then." he mumbled.

She moved to get up, trying to claim some space on the other side of the fire where she could sleep for a few hours and then get back to the data. Some space, where she could build her walls back up. His arms reminded her of her father, the way he would hold her after a nightmare. Patient and caring. But different. Edged with need. Too good to be true. 

"You don't have to move." he clenched his jaw, hand tightening where it rested on her hip.

"Your shoulders..."

"Are fine." he finished, "This will be more comfortable than the rock." As much as he didn't want to admit it, he wanted her as close as possible.

She caved, reaching a hand up and touched the side of his face lightly, brushing up into his hair, the way he had tangled his fingers in hers before. "We really shouldn't. I'll be here when you wake up."

Leaning into her touch, his eyelids fluttered, "You're just sleeping. No harm done."

_ No harm done.  _ "Goodnight, flyboy." Her body screamed at her as she pulled away, the cold of the cave sinking into her bones as his warmth left her. She walked around the fire, claiming space as far from him as she could. It was what was best for the mission. 

The mission would always come first.

If he could see her face, he would see every emotion that broke the ice, swimming on the surface of her thoughts. He would cross the room, maybe, the way her father used to when she pushed him away. He would hold her, not letting go. But her back was to him, her face turned away, and something told her that he wouldn't push it. Even if she wanted him to.

"Goodnight." He slid down the wall, rolling onto his side and tucking an arm under his head, his back to her.

Something had cut off between them, like a switch set to off. She hadn't been ready for it to be on, and now that it was gone, there was an empty space where he had been. He was angry after the lake, when he ran his hands over her. Angry, scared. Then soft, gentle, quiet. She reached out, and he met her half way. It was complicated, and confusing, everything all at once. The kind of dream that could quickly become a nightmare. She suddenly found herself longing for the simplicity of the pipe. Cold and dark, all that mattered was the mission. Part of her died in the explosion. The part of her that knew how to be okay.

The fire that burned between them couldn’t touch the cold.

_ Rough, warm hands roamed her body. The tunnel was dark and cold and cramped, the walls closing in.  _

_ Urgency. _

_ Somewhere to go. Nowhere to be. Muddled by hazy water. Every inch of her skin had come alive. Hands on her body. His hands. Skin to skin, exploring, claiming. _

_ Lips that tasted like water in the desert. _

_ Eyes like canyon cliffs. _

_ Stubble on her cheek, her neck, her chest. Come home with me. _

_ “Yes.” _


	9. Aeos Prime

May opened her eyes to the dark. The dying fire sputtered away in the centre of the cave, the last of the fire starter shooting sparks up into the air. Poe laid on his back with his eyes closed, a hand under his head like a pillow. The waning light cast dancing shadows across his face. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel everywhere his body pressed against hers before she pulled away. 

She needed to get the rest of the files open. She needed to get out of the cave, into the facility and back before he woke up. 

Then they could leave. There would be no more nights on hard stone, sitting between his legs, wrapped in his arms. She could put the entire base between them. Star systems, if she had to. Red squad could leave before Poe became something complicated.

She grabbed her datapad, tapping through the files, cracking them manually, and filtering through the data. There was an edge of desperation in her work, as she pulled herself away from him and everything that was wrong between them. All the places he didn’t belong. She shifted her weight, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall, blocking him out. 

Darkness. 

The crunch of boots on gravel. Black gloves and white fire. May heard her sister scream. A memory. Chocolate hair and blue-green eyes. Baby hands around her leg. Crying.

_Mama._

Something warm pressed into her skin, and she was torn away from their home and into the bright, merciless sunlight streaming through the waterfall. It was the dream, the one she could feel, like she was reliving her first death all over again. She shook off the numbness that always followed, hollowing out her edges. 

Leia should have sent someone else. She wanted to be at the base, with Els and her team. Sie. Caleb. But she was here with a commander that burned with anger and fear one moment, and then held her softly moments later, wrapping her in his arms like a dream. The commander that had breathed a life into her that she wasn’t sure she even wanted. 

She looked down at the data again. Thinking hurt too much. Poe hurt too much. Work was something she could do. Plan. Plan and get out. Before he woke up.

There was just too much data.

Poe woke to the quick sound of fingers hitting a screen. He rolled over, working out the knots in his neck with one hand, to see May hard at work, sitting against the far wall. A cave between them. “Morning.” he sighed, stretching.

"Hi." She replied, the word harder to get out than she thought it would be. She was starting to actually hate him. Not just the reputation, but the man that got mad at her for almost dying. That cared in a way that was messy and sporadic. That held her the way no one else ever had.

The way she had never wanted anyone to hold her.

"You feeling okay?" Poe rolled over, watching her face. She was guarded again, the way she was before they left base.

"Data is ready. I'm going to go scout." She said, hoping up, focusing on tying her blaster to her thigh and clipping on her belt. The water shoes were not ideal for a hike but she would manage. She walked towards the waterfall without looking back at him.

He sat up, watching her cross the cave, "I thought you got the data we needed."

She paused, "I did. I have a good idea of what’s in there. All I need is a sample to take back to base. With what it looks like from here, I don’t want to chance a fire-fight." Her voice caught on the last word and she felt the sting in the back of her throat. 

"What do you think is in there? Unless that's also 'need to know'." It came out angrier than he intended.

May looked at him closely as he snapped at her, like she was seeing him clearly for the first time. She could almost see the ego in his words, feel it. The way he was with her last night clicked into place, and she felt her heart drop like a stone. 

She showed him weakness, and was stupid enough to think that the night before was anything more than him trying to earn her trust. To buy himself clearance and answers. He wouldn't let her go without the information. She took a step closer to him, choosing her words carefully.

"They kept the bones of the Republic base, but changed the locks and installed massive ventilation systems, stabilization containment units, and ionic generators. There is only one reason to have those kinds of systems in one room." She said, every word grating at her, "They are making a chemical weapon."

"Fuck." He dropped his guard. "Okay. Yeah. We need to get in there. How can I help?"

"You can sit here and be quiet. This no longer has anything to do with you."

He stood, glowering, "Leia sent both of us. Get off your high horse and start acting like a member of the team." 

She felt the tension snap between them. "We have never been a team and never will be. You want to help? Stay put."

Crossing his arms over his chest, he kept his tone even and quiet, "You don't get to sideline me. You would have fucking died if I wasn't there yesterday, May."

"Captain." She corrected, "It wouldn't be the first time. I always make it out, whether or not I want to."

"Stop with the titles. I--" He paused, recognizing her expression from his first days on base. A sick feeling boiled in the pit of his stomach. “Was this another one of your fucked up tests?"

"What are you talking about?" Anger. It coursed through her. A test? When he had dragged her back into the world, held her close and made her think everything was okay, and then pushed her for information. But _she_ was the one testing him? 

She felt the blinding anger on the edge of tears. Forcing it all under the ice, before she gave him another weapon to wield against her. 

Against the Resistance.

"You almost died." His voice shook. "And you were fucking smart enough to use that. Weren't you?" Tongue between his teeth, all he could do was look at her, the heat creeping up his neck from the shame. 

"Fuck you, Commander Dameron." She turned around, walking towards the entrance, pausing just before she stepped out into the light to look back. He shook, fists balled at his sides, glaring at her. “You should have just fucked me and left me instead of whatever that shit was last night."

The way she twisted everything to make him the bad guy was starting to make him dizzy. He cocked his head, sighing, "You're the one that's been creating stupid games. Hoops for me to jump through. Conditions. I'm just..." He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. "Last night, I thought we'd actually gotten past that shit."

"That shit has kept me alive for the last twelve years. Last night was a fucking mistake, nothing more." It couldn't be anything more.

"Can't ever fucking win with you." he muttered, turning away from her to hide the hurt in his face.

"What do you think you're trying to win?" She asked, the anger turning to lead, watching the regret roll in. She should’ve left it along.

"I've been on base for six months. You run the show, and that's all I fucking know about you! Doesn't matter how hard I try, you're closed off. You deflect. You avoid me. You somehow notice this--" He yanked the chain around his neck, ring flying free and settling over his clothes. “—when most of my _squadron_ doesn't fucking know what it is. I just-- Is it so terrible that I want to know the person I'm working with? We’re all Republic, at the end of the day." That wasn't it. He didn't just want to know her. He wanted to see her really smile, hear stories about her dad, save her ass when she did stupid shit. He wanted fucking all of it from someone that was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger. And it was threatening to crush him. 

His words knocked the wind out of her. "You want to know me? I died when I was 7 for my sister. Watched everyone I had ever known die before the raiders got to me. The man that brought me back adopted us. Trained me, for the Republic. And then he died in front of me too, four years ago. I buried an empty casket. If you think what happened in that lake is a first for me, it's not. I am not your problem. You don't want to know me."

He whispered, "Who else knows all that?"

"Why does it fucking matter?"

"Because I do want to know you." Poe took a step closer to her, his hands balled at his sides to keep from reaching out. 

"Don't. I'll stop back by here before I go into the compound. Stay out of sight."

"May,”

She turned back towards the entrance. The wave of numbness that washed over her was almost welcome. 

Numb was good. She could work with that.

"Be safe." he murmured, sliding down against the cave wall and wrapping his arms around his knees. He watched her vanish silently through the waterfall.

The day was long. Poe checked in on her over comms regularly, but all she could manage were one word responses and coordinates. She worked her way through the waterfalls and the tunnels until she found the perfect vantage point. It was a small cave with the right angle to see what was going on below.

The operation in the base relied on secrecy and tech, mostly. It was so small that it had to be research only. There were only three patrols of guards, six troopers in total. No one else ventured outside the walls. She knew from the schematics that there was a ventilation shaft they could use to get in, but she wasn’t sure she would hold up through another tunnel. 

And she wouldn't let him go alone. That was out of the question. 

She couldn't put a name to what she felt, but it was there. Raw and real. Part of her was grateful he hadn't come with to see her dealing with the fallout of the tunnel and their argument. The nausea and pain that stole her breath anytime emotion peaked through the numbness was unpleasant enough without having to wear the only face she was allowed to show Black squad. Out of sight, she could process everything she’d locked down.

Get it out of her system before it crushed her. The tears were hot, but they ran out fast. And she continued on like it had never happened. 

"Commander, I'm heading back." She called over the comms, abandoning her vantage point and making her way back before the sun set again.

"Alright. Be safe." Poe looked over his datapad, all of his notes from BB-8’s scouting throughout the day. The overhead shots weren’t much, but it was the only thing he could think to do. They couldn’t get to their initial entry point without going past the pipe they blew up, and while the trooper patrols had left, there were still droids around to clean up the mess they had made. He hoped May would be able to find another way to get inside.

The sun was down by the time she stepped back into the cave. She had left her datapad with him, and he was engrossed in the new data. His eyes snapped up as she entered. 

"Back." She said, sitting across the fire.

"Anything interesting?" He hated this. He hated the whiplash between laughing together and yelling at each other and silence.

"Six guards, two per patrol. No one else in or out. There is an offsite bunker. I think this is just a research facility. It should be a quick in and out." She sat down against the wall across from him, a cave between them.

In his hours of thinking, he still hadn't come up with a response to her information dump on him from that morning. Business. He could keep it to business. Probably. "What's the play?"

"You go back to the Y-Wing. I get in and get the files. We can meet up at the ship." It was easier to ignore the weight in the room then look at him, his face a mask. She hated everything she said to him before she left. "It's almost over."

"I'm not letting you go in alone. We do this together." 

"Commander," She sank back against the wall. "You don't need me to fly the Y-Wing. I don't need you to get the data."

"You need someone watching your back." _Someone to keep you from getting yourself killed._

"Someone I trust. That's a short list, and I don't see anyone here that's on it."

"You trust me enough to tell me your life story." The bite is gone, replaced by a hollowness Poe wasn't prepared for.

May closed her eyes. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't pretend like that meant anything to you. It didn't." _It shouldn't._

"You make a lot of assumptions for someone that doesn't know a whole lot."

"Doesn't know a whole lot. Huh, that's funny." Her words were hollow, tired. She was just done. With him, with the mission, with everything.

"You act like you know exactly who I am."

"Because I do. It's my job." She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.

“Then tell me: do you think I'm going to let you waltz in there by yourself?"

"I can always tie you up and leave you in the Y-Wing." There was no hint of laughter in her voice.

" _Why_ are you so opposed to me coming with you?"

"This isn't a two person mission. Never was." She pulled her knees in. "I want nothing to do with you. It would be better if I went alone." It was a lie. A part of her wanted to know if he meant it, all the unspoken moments that passed between them. The same part of her that wanted the dream to be true. 

It was the reason she didn't want him to go. A risk she wasn't willing to take.

"That's bullshit. If you don't want to explain, fine. I'll just follow and fuck up whatever plan you've got." he shrugged, arms crossed tight.

She pushed herself up off the floor and walked over to her gear that she left behind when she went to scout. "No, you won’t. I'm not your squad. That shit doesn't work with me, and you know you can't take me in a fight." She picked up her datapad, turning to him. "I'm not risking you for data I can get on my own."

"And what if I don't want to risk you?" he breathed, meeting her eyes.

She felt her heart skip a beat, fluttering against her ribs. "Why?" the question fell from her lips before she was sure she wanted the answer to it.

"You first."

"I can't give you the answer you want to hear."

"Because it's not true? Or because you're scared of it?"

"Because it won't change anything."

"Another lie. Pretty sure you believe that one, though."

She flinched. "One hour. I'll meet you at the Y-Wing." tears were welling in the corner of her eyes, and she turned back to her gear quickly to hide them.

"Not happening." He grabbed her wrist, spinning her to face him. His eyebrows furrowed as he saw the tears threatening to fall. Voice soft, "Why are you..."

She pulled out of his grasp, recoiling almost as if he had struck her. "Just leave me the fuck alone." She felt like a caged animal that had been thrown in a river. No way out, no way up. Drowning all over again.

"After we land on Yavin, I will, if that's what you want. But not before then. We need to finish this."

"Then we are going back without it." she tried to push past him, flinching when she made contact with him.

"You're going to compromise a mission because, what, you're angry at me? Not a chance."

She froze, inches away from him, her back turned to him, "When I'm angry, you’ll know."

"Would it kill you to just be straight with me?" his pleading tone caught him by surprise and he froze.

Every inch of her wanted to turn around and let him hold her, the way he had the night before. It caught her off guard, her hands trembling. "Probably." 

"Look at me. Please."

"Poe..." A warning. It hurt to say his name. She didn't move. Couldn't move. "I'm not willing to risk you." Her breathing picked up as his hands found her wrist and he pulled her to face him. 

His hand cupped her face before he realized he'd made the decision. Tilting her face to look into her eyes, he lost whatever he was about to say, lips parting in a breath. 

"May," His voice was strangled, barely loud enough to hear. He couldn’t read her face, couldn’t tell if he had overstepped, if this was wrong, if he was about to ruin everything. “What… what do you want?” he breathed, the words falling from his lips without an ounce of judgment.

She could have closed the distance between them. Some part of her knew he would let her. She could have leaned in, pressed her lips to his. Whatever she wanted, he would give her. But that would be it, no going back.

He held her like she was made of glass, ready to break. For a brief moment, between held breaths and endless silence, the possibility hung in the air of something more. 

Something neither of them were ready for. 

"I..." She started, unsure of how to answer that question. There was no concrete answer. She wanted, needed, everything. She moved her head to tuck it under his chin, over his pounding heart. This is what she would take. Comfort, because everything else came with a price. 

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tight as he dared. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, or what he would have done if she had answered the question. Either way.

When he let her go, it was too soon.

May wasn’t ready to stop having him in her arms, but let him slowly pull back. He held her just above the elbows, looking into her eyes. And she let him, no longer afraid to see him. "May, you know we need to do this. You need to help me get inside the base. Please."

"As long as you have my back." She said. There was no bite to it, like there had been before. Just trust. Complete and momentary.

“Of course.” he let her go, retrieving his mask. “BB-8, you copy? We’re going in tonight. Do another sweep of the area near midnight. We’ll leave then.” Poe closed his eyes for a moment, taking a breath to steady himself.

"They switch shifts every eight hours. Same pattern, I watched two. Night will be the same." Back to business. She could handle that, work through it. She could focus, and he would be right there with her.

*

Midnight came too fast. Gear and masks packed and securely on their backs, they had left their cave under the cover of night and worked their way up to her vantage point, following May’s trail. She bypassed the cave she had broken down in before, though the water had washed all the evidence away. 

Her vantage point was not made for two people. It was small and tight, and they had to shuffle into it on their stomachs as to not be seen. It felt good to have him pressed against her, even if it was while they laid waiting. BB-8 came over the comms, letting them know it was all clear. 

"You first." She said, motioning at the cavern entrance. 

He shuffled forward, not wanting to leave her side. 

She climbed out after him and he helped her off the ground. He was slow to pull his hands away, every touch lingering a little longer than the last. His gaze passed over where his hands couldn’t. 

They were on mission. There were things to do. 

And Poe was eternally distracted by her mere existence. 

The base loomed in the distance, a large warehouse with a simple fence. She bounced from blind spot to blind spot, dancing around the guards pattern, until they reached the external data node. She popped the panel and started rewiring the security system so they could make it through. Poe crouched behind her, curled around her protectively as she worked. His eyes on their surroundings. 

"Done. To the left, behind those crates. Hold there." She whispered, closing the panel and following him there. As they reached it, she pulled him down into a crouch, their legs knocking together. "The guards will pass in a moment. We have five minutes before they check the system and realize I rewired it."

Nodding, he moved into position and stayed as still as he could. He had to admit, at least to himself, that he liked this. Her telling him what to do... he shook his head. _Focus, Dameron._

It was a brief moment, his eyes unfocused, but she caught it. And she turned her face to hide her blush. 

The guards’ boots crunched in the gravel as they passed, bringing her attention back to the mission. She lost her balance momentarily as she shifted, her hand grabbing onto Poe's thigh to steady herself. They were so close, eye to eye in the dark.

She nodded when it was time to move, taking her hand off his thigh and moving towards the road the guards had just come off. The vent was right there and unlocked. They popped the grate off with ease, moving quietly and efficiently. She grabbed his hand as she looked into the hole and squeezed it. He squeezed back. They were okay. This was going to be okay.

"Me first?" Poe whispered.

"It’s my turn to keep my eyes on the mission and off your ass." She replied with a smile, getting behind him, ready to follow.

He grinned, shaking his head at her. He made sure his blaster was secured to his belt before sliding into the tunnel.

It was wide enough for him to crawl. The metal was cold but smooth. Every movement echoed. They couldn’t talk like they had in the water, all of their little quips easing the mounting tension. Here, they had to sit in it.

They came to a fork and Poe tilted his head to the side, speaking softly, "Which way?"

"Right. It’s short. Goes to a storage room. Should be empty." She whispered. Her mind was on the mission, but the view didn't hurt. She put it out there, and she couldn't not watch as the muscles of his thighs tightened as they crawled forward.

Poe followed the right channel. The grate came up quickly and he paused, carefully pushing it out and twisting it up, sliding it alongside the tunnel. He flipped over onto his back, holding the top of the frame so he could pull his body out. Dropping to the floor, he did a quick scan of the room.

May followed him in, freezing as she recognized the contents stored in the room. Her eyes went straight to the shelves. Atomizers.

"Poe." She said, her breath catching in her throat. "They’re making a gas weapon."

They exchanged glances. The shelves were filled with canisters that ranged from the size of a grenade to the size of her thigh. One could put a city down. The room could take out Hosnian Prime. She looked around, her eyes finding an open crate of kyber crystals. “An anti-force gas weapon.” Leia's source had been right. "We need to leave. Now." She said, grabbing one of the smaller completed canisters from one of the racks.

"Alrighty then." Better to listen than risk what happened in the cave, Poe linked his fingers together, giving her a place to put her foot so she could boost herself up into the vent. "Leaving." 

May clipped the canister to her belt. She put her hands on his shoulder and her foot in the basket, letting him help her up. She slid up into the vent with ease, turning to reach and hand down for him.

They dropped out of the vent quickly, following it out the way they came. They slid the grate on just as the alarms sounded. "That’s our cue." She said, running toward the lake, hoping he would follow.

He kept pace with her, sweeping the surrounding areas. No troopers. Yet. 

"Down, in the water. Hug the bank." She said, following him down to the edge. He got in without hesitation. She pulled the canister off her belt and held it in one hand, just above the water as she followed him down. "We can't chance this thing not being waterproof." 

"Awesome. Swimming with the canister that may or may not explode and kill us when it touches water. This is great.“ Four sets of trooper armour come around the side of the building, blasters raised. Poe yelled into his comm, “Okay, let's go! BB-8, we need the ship on the other side of this lake. Right now. Two minutes ago."

"I could throw it!” She yelled as they took off under blaster fire.

The Y-Wing touched down on the other side of the lake and Poe could hear BB-8 laughing over the comm as the droid opened fire on the troopers.

"Just swim!"

May didn’t respond, kicking harder to make up for the lack of an arm. They passed out of range, the troopers waiting for some kind of craft or speeder that the other two were most likely grabbing. Poe hopped up on the opposite bank, grabbing May’s free hand and pulling her up with him. "Let’s go!"

BB-8 opened the door to the ship and they both ran inside. 

"You good?" May asked, fixing her helmet as she slid into her seat.

"Yeah. You?" The coordinates loaded on his controls for Yavin II. Home. “Thank you, buddy!” He called up to the droid, finding the engines already primed for lightspeed. 

May could feel the burn on her wrist from the blaster shot. "Yep." She said, putting pressure on the wound. She took a deep breath, trying to relax.

They jumped into hyperspace and Poe relaxed back into his seat. "I've never seen those uniforms before. I thought you said this was a Republic base."

"Was. Not anymore, apparently. It used to be an outpost."

"Do you know who's taken over since? That isn't low level tech."

“I have an idea." This was just more confirmation that the First Order was a bastardization of the Empire. They’d even recycled the damn uniforms.

Sighing loudly, he hoped she could hear his eye roll, "Alright." He reached back for the canister, fingers brushing her thigh. "Wanna pass that thing up here?" 

"You don't trust me with a loaded weapon?"

"Just hand it over." He smiled, though she couldn’t see him, and gently tapped the side of her seat.

"When we land."

"Fine." Poe took a deep breath, leaning his back to look at the ceiling. Going back to the game from their first flight together to fill the silence. "Pretty sure it's your turn."

May smiled. "Honey, you don’t want to know what questions are on my mind."

"Give it a go, sweetheart." he smirked.

"Are the rumours true?"

"You're gonna have to be more specific."

"You know, the skillset Leia doesn't know about." She grinned. 

He was quiet for a moment, face warming. “I'm gonna need you to ask that question straight, just so I make sure I'm covering all my bases here." 

"Are you as good between the sheets as the other flyers claim?"

"You'll have to see for yourself."

"I've been around a while. I'm hard to impress."

"I'll take that challenge." His chuckle rumbled low in his chest. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he leaned his head back against the seat. 

She took a deep breath at the dark edge to his voice, grinning to herself. There was something to the way he flirted with her that was direct and intense, the kind of intensity she could feel, even when he wasn’t looking at her with those infuriating eyes. "Your turn, flyboy.”

"How did you and Tabelt meet? It seems like you've known each other a while."

May softened at Caleb’s last name, the warm fuzzy feeling she got around family easing the heat in her chest from Poe’s flirting. "We were kids. It was a long time ago. When I met him, I never thought we would end up here. It wasn't in the cards for us."

Poe didn't want to ask what that meant. He'd rather not know whether or not they were involved than have confirmation. If May was willing to do this with him, whatever ‘this’ was, that was enough. "Your turn?"

"Why did you ask about Dathomir?"

He swallowed hard, struggling to keep his voice even. "Like I said. A friend brought it up."

"That's not what I asked."

The truth was that he wanted to know her, but he settled for: "I wanted to know why someone like you would turn down a chance to get ahead. Everyone knows you run most of Yavin with Leia, when she’s there, and Admiral Holdo when she’s not, even without the title."

She didn't know how to respond. Too many thoughts came rushing back all at once. "Your turn."

"You knew who I was. On my first day. How?" 

"I signed off on your transfer."

"W-what? You don't have the authority... well, I guess you do." he chuckled, "Thanks. I'm happy I decided to come home."

"Home?"

“The Yavin system. I grew up on IV."

"Must be nice to be able to go back to where you grew up." Their conversation in the lake came back to mind. "Your turn."

"You can’t?" Poe pressed his lips into a thin line, "I'm sorry."

"Is that your question?" 

"Yeah."

"You know what happened to me." Her breaths were shaky, at best. She squeezed the canister between her thighs, trying to bring herself back.

"I'm sorry, May."

It was too close for comfort. "I think I preferred sweetheart." She said softly. "And talking about all the things you want to do with me when we get back."

He let it slide, despite how obvious it was that she was avoiding something. Voice light, "Pretty sure it was your list, not mine. Sweetheart."

"My turn. What's on your list?"

He couldn't think about it too long, or he was going to want to start on the list right then and there. "The thing you mentioned about your ship. That's definitely on the list."

"That was one of mine. I want to know yours."

He chuckled, "Coming out of hyperspace."

"You're no fun."

"Tell me that after you've had me, sweetheart."

"If I come out of that with 'fun', you're not getting a round two." She didn’t realize she had put that nagging weight in the back of her throat into words until they had passed her lips. Fun was something she’d had a lifetime of; two, if she was counting her life before the one she had now, and all the mistakes that brought her to where she was. She didn’t want fun anymore, after everything that had happened. She wanted love.

Easing the ship onto it’s spot on the tarmac, Poe locked the landing gear and popped the exterior door. "Alright, off the ship." Hopping out himself, he held out a hand to her. "Canister. Now." 

"I’m not going to set it off." She said, rolling her eyes but handing it over anyways. "I flew through hyperspace with it between my legs and it was fine."

"I..." He shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts that popped up at that visual. "Okay. Right. Briefing now."

She saw the blush and the smirk on his lips as he turned. She got him, even though he tried not to show it. "After you, Commander." She said, following him off the tarmac and into the hallway.

"Y'know..." He looks sideways at her. "We should go for a drink tonight. Celebrate our success and all that." He shook the canister gently. "Maybe we can actually talk without the stress of the mission--"

"May." Caleb interrupted as they turned down the hall to the briefing room. He stood in the middle of the hall, arms crossed.

Poe almost wanted to shield May from him. “Something wrong, Tabelt?”

Caleb looked directly at May, ignoring Poe. "Welcome to the Resistance."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since we've updated but we're back! This chapter and the next one definitely get more into the canon and the state of the galaxy in 28 ABY. Poe won't be left in the dark much longer... dun dun DUN
> 
> anyways we hope you liked this chapter!


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